How to treat a woman

Redskins_P · 12-04-2006, 04:25 PM

I got this from a myspace bulletin. I thought it would help lighten the mood around here. I think its safe to say that we could all use a little laugh today.

First, I want to let all the females out there know that this is all fun and jokes. So, please don't take it personal.

1. when she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes. and girls love that.

2. never hold her hand. this can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. girls are like dogs. they love to be roughed up.

4. call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. if she is say you better be , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. this will show her you care.

5. when she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. this will pave the way for her own personal improvement. and every girl needs some improvement.

6. recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. if youre talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words FUCK YOU and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. tell her you're taking her out to dinner. drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. then take her to a burning tire yard. when she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. then drive her home. when she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can."

9. introduce her to your friends as "some chick". women love those special nicknames.

10. play with her hair. play with it HARD.

11. warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." the best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. make her laugh. a good way to do this is if she has a small pet. kick the pet. i always find stuff like that funny. why shouldn't girls?

14. let her fall asleep in your arms. when she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. if you care about her never ever tell her. this will only give her self confidence. then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time youre in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way shell go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say no shes not hungry. make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. look her in the eyes and smile. then clock her one. girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. a bad smell. you know what i'm talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if shes crying. Shell say no its just the rain ten minutes later turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying you @..%$ baby. Girls like a tough man as i've already stated.

22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

23. if youre listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. this way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects arent important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

25. when she gives you a present on your birthday, christmas, or just when ever, take it and tell her you love it. then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. girls actually don't like this one that much but i think it's funny.

26. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call youre going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Now dont call....

27. When you first meet her, smack her in the face. this will prevent her from ever saying " you dont treat me like you used
to".

GhettoDogAllStars · 12-04-2006, 04:53 PM

"13. make her laugh. a good way to do this is if she has a small pet. kick the pet. i always find stuff like that funny. why shouldn't girls?"

haha, did you get this from daseal?

ArtMonkDrillz · 12-04-2006, 04:54 PM

I use these kinds of tactics all the time but for some reason I don't have a girlfriend right now. I don't get it.

onlydarksets · 12-04-2006, 05:00 PM

lol - good stuff!

Hog1 · 12-04-2006, 05:31 PM

Wisdom For Life

hooskins · 12-04-2006, 05:59 PM

Hah I am sure this will just help Hess feel welcome here.

Good read btw.

ArtMonkDrillz · 12-04-2006, 11:07 PM

I have a feeling I'm going to get a call from HR tomorrow because I sent that out to half my office before I left for the day. Oh well, it was worth it.

EternalEnigma21 · 12-09-2006, 11:40 PM

have you guys ever laughed so hard your mouth wouldn't shut and drool rolls out a little? that just happened...

Sammy Baugh Fan · 12-10-2006, 08:56 AM

#28 - After having sex toss a $20 on the night stand and tell her "get somethiong pretty". They love that.

Monkeydad · 12-11-2006, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by canthetuna

have you guys ever laughed so hard your mouth wouldn't shut and drool rolls out a little? that just happened...

Wouldn't shut?

I think you need to see an orthodontist.

FRPLG · 12-11-2006, 05:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sammy Baugh Fan

#28 - After having sex toss a $20 on the night stand and tell her "get somethiong pretty". They love that.

This one made my laugh out loud.

I can picture SBF's face saying this...while wearing an old leather helmet. HAHAHAHA

hesscl34 · 12-11-2006, 05:29 PM

my my my....

TheMalcolmConnection · 12-11-2006, 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sammy Baugh Fan

#28 - After having sex toss a $20 on the night stand and tell her "get somethiong pretty". They love that.

Are you trying to say "Get a pretty thong?" because that would be excellent.

12-04-2006, 04:25 PM	#1
Redskins_P Fight for old DC! Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Aldie, VA Age: 46 Posts: 4,101	How to treat a woman I got this from a myspace bulletin. I thought it would help lighten the mood around here. I think its safe to say that we could all use a little laugh today. First, I want to let all the females out there know that this is all fun and jokes. So, please don't take it personal. 1. when she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes. and girls love that. 2. never hold her hand. this can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.) 3. once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. girls are like dogs. they love to be roughed up. 4. call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. if she is say you better be , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. this will show her you care. 5. when she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. this will pave the way for her own personal improvement. and every girl needs some improvement. 6. recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies. 7. if youre talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words FUCK YOU and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition. 8. tell her you're taking her out to dinner. drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. then take her to a burning tire yard. when she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. then drive her home. when she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can." 9. introduce her to your friends as "some chick". women love those special nicknames. 10. play with her hair. play with it HARD. 11. warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." the best way to get warm is with fear. 12. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party. 13. make her laugh. a good way to do this is if she has a small pet. kick the pet. i always find stuff like that funny. why shouldn't girls? 14. let her fall asleep in your arms. when she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. like basketball. 15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit. 16. if you care about her never ever tell her. this will only give her self confidence. then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be. 17. Every time youre in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way shell go crazy. 18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say no shes not hungry. make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her. 19. look her in the eyes and smile. then clock her one. girls love a spontaneous guy. 20. give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. a bad smell. you know what i'm talking about. 21. When its raining keep asking her if shes crying. Shell say no its just the rain ten minutes later turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying you @..%$ baby. Girls like a tough man as i've already stated. 22. Titty twisters and plenty of them. 23. if youre listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. this way she'll think you're mysterious. 24. remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects arent important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get. 25. when she gives you a present on your birthday, christmas, or just when ever, take it and tell her you love it. then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. girls actually don't like this one that much but i think it's funny. 26. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call youre going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Now dont call.... 27. When you first meet her, smack her in the face. this will prevent her from ever saying " you dont treat me like you used to".

12-04-2006, 04:54 PM	#3
ArtMonkDrillz Franchise Player Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Ellicott City, MD Age: 42 Posts: 8,029	Re: How to treat a woman I use these kinds of tactics all the time but for some reason I don't have a girlfriend right now. I don't get it. __________________ "Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man." The Dude

12-04-2006, 05:00 PM	#4
onlydarksets Playmaker Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: all up in your business Posts: 2,693	Re: How to treat a woman lol - good stuff!

12-04-2006, 05:31 PM	#5
Hog1 Quietly Dominating the East Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Naples, Florida Posts: 10,675	Re: How to treat a woman Wisdom For Life __________________ Goodbye Sean..........Vaya Con Dios thankyou Joe....... *“God made certain people to play football. He was one of them.” – Joe Gibbs*

12-04-2006, 05:59 PM	#6
hooskins Most Interesting Man in the World Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Chantilly, VA Age: 37 Posts: 8,606	Re: How to treat a woman Hah I am sure this will just help Hess feel welcome here. Good read btw. __________________ Vacancy

12-04-2006, 04:53 PM	#2
GhettoDogAllStars Playmaker Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Denver Age: 42 Posts: 2,762	Re: How to treat a woman "13. make her laugh. a good way to do this is if she has a small pet. kick the pet. i always find stuff like that funny. why shouldn't girls?" haha, did you get this from daseal? __________________ To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.

12-04-2006, 11:07 PM	#7
ArtMonkDrillz Franchise Player Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Ellicott City, MD Age: 42 Posts: 8,029	Re: How to treat a woman I have a feeling I'm going to get a call from HR tomorrow because I sent that out to half my office before I left for the day. Oh well, it was worth it. __________________ "Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man." The Dude

12-09-2006, 11:40 PM	#8
EternalEnigma21 Assistant Regional Mod Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Carbondale CO Age: 44 Posts: 2,958	Re: How to treat a woman have you guys ever laughed so hard your mouth wouldn't shut and drool rolls out a little? that just happened... __________________ I am the brute squad.

12-10-2006, 08:56 AM	#9
Sammy Baugh Fan Playmaker Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Northern Virginia, Woodbridge Age: 62 Posts: 2,507	Re: How to treat a woman #28 - After having sex toss a $20 on the night stand and tell her "get somethiong pretty". They love that. __________________ Check out Mike Hedrick - The Next Food Network Star. Please Click and give me a Thumbs Up and Positive Comment. Thanks

12-11-2006, 05:29 PM	#12
hesscl34 Registered User Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Germantown, MD Posts: 2,782	Re: How to treat a woman my my my....

How to treat a woman

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