Jokes - Sort of

TheMalcolmConnection · 04-08-2005, 08:58 AM

King Arthur was in Merlin’s laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt, except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

“This is no good, Merlin!” the king exclaimed, “Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m’lady, the Queen?”

“Ah, sire, just observe,” said Merlin. He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.

“Merlin, you are a genius!” said the grateful monarch. “Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.”

After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest.

Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all of his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal “short arm” inspection.

Sure enough, each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them, except Sir Galahad.

“Sir Galahad,” exclaimed King Arthur. “My one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!”

But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless.

Redskins8588 · 07-27-2005, 01:34 AM

Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in Bethel Park when one is suddenly attacked by a rabid rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick and shoves it under the dogs collar, twists it breaking the dog's neck and saving his friend.

A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident. "Penguins Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Penguins fan," the little hero replied.

"Sorry, since we are in Pittsburgh I just assumed you were," said the reporter and he starts writing again. "Steeler Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack." "I'm not a Steelers fan either," the boy said.

"Oh, I assumed everyone in Pittsburgh was either for the Penguins or the Steelers. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked. "I'm a Browns fan," the child said.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Bastard From Ohio Kills Beloved Family Pet."

Hijinx · 07-28-2005, 01:12 PM

A woman is working nights alone doing accounting work. Suddenly the door bursts open and in walks a masked man holding a shotgun. The man tells her to put her hands up.

"But this isn't a real bank its a sperm bank. We don't have anything of value here," she says.

"I know what it is. Now put your hands up and get in the vault!!" So she puts up her hands, opens the vault, and walks in.

Then he tells her, "Okay, now open one of the containers and drink it down."

"But its full of semem!!", she yells.

"Lady, one more word and I take your head off with this gun," the masked man replies.

So without another word she opens the container, puts it to her mouth and swallows every last drop of the semem. The man then rips off his mask revealing her HUSBAND!!

"Now really was that so damn hard?!!??!?"

TheMalcolmConnection · 07-28-2005, 01:28 PM

LOL!!! Hahahahaha... I love low brow.

SmootSmack · 07-28-2005, 01:42 PM

Rod Gardner is the final piece of the puzzle in the Panthers' quest for the Super Bowl

The Cowboys are the only real threat to the Eagles in the NFC East

Freddie Mitchell

Ba-Zing!

EternalEnigma21 · 07-28-2005, 02:34 PM

where do you come up with this stuff??!!!!

04-08-2005, 08:58 AM	#31
TheMalcolmConnection I like big (_\|_)s. Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Charlottesville, Virginia Age: 43 Posts: 19,257	Re: Jokes - Sort of King Arthur was in Merlin’s laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt, except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. “This is no good, Merlin!” the king exclaimed, “Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m’lady, the Queen?” “Ah, sire, just observe,” said Merlin. He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two. “Merlin, you are a genius!” said the grateful monarch. “Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.” After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all of his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal “short arm” inspection. Sure enough, each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them, except Sir Galahad. “Sir Galahad,” exclaimed King Arthur. “My one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!” But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless. __________________ Regret nothing. At one time it was exactly what you wanted.

07-27-2005, 01:34 AM	#32
Redskins8588 Playmaker Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Ridgway, PA Age: 46 Posts: 2,519	Re: Jokes - Sort of Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in Bethel Park when one is suddenly attacked by a rabid rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick and shoves it under the dogs collar, twists it breaking the dog's neck and saving his friend. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident. "Penguins Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Penguins fan," the little hero replied. "Sorry, since we are in Pittsburgh I just assumed you were," said the reporter and he starts writing again. "Steeler Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack." "I'm not a Steelers fan either," the boy said. "Oh, I assumed everyone in Pittsburgh was either for the Penguins or the Steelers. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked. "I'm a Browns fan," the child said. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Bastard From Ohio Kills Beloved Family Pet." __________________ "I am the best at what I do, and what I do isn't very nice" - Sean Taylor

07-28-2005, 01:12 PM	#33
Hijinx The Starter Join Date: Apr 2005 Age: 49 Posts: 1,961	Re: Jokes - Sort of A woman is working nights alone doing accounting work. Suddenly the door bursts open and in walks a masked man holding a shotgun. The man tells her to put her hands up. "But this isn't a real bank its a sperm bank. We don't have anything of value here," she says. "I know what it is. Now put your hands up and get in the vault!!" So she puts up her hands, opens the vault, and walks in. Then he tells her, "Okay, now open one of the containers and drink it down." "But its full of semem!!", she yells. "Lady, one more word and I take your head off with this gun," the masked man replies. So without another word she opens the container, puts it to her mouth and swallows every last drop of the semem. The man then rips off his mask revealing her HUSBAND!! "Now really was that so damn hard?!!??!?" __________________ This is my signature, there are many like it, but this one is mine.

07-28-2005, 01:28 PM	#34
TheMalcolmConnection I like big (_\|_)s. Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Charlottesville, Virginia Age: 43 Posts: 19,257	Re: Jokes - Sort of LOL!!! Hahahahaha... I love low brow. __________________ Regret nothing. At one time it was exactly what you wanted.

07-28-2005, 01:42 PM	#35
SmootSmack Uncle Phil Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 45,256	Re: Jokes - Sort of Rod Gardner is the final piece of the puzzle in the Panthers' quest for the Super Bowl The Cowboys are the only real threat to the Eagles in the NFC East Freddie Mitchell Ba-Zing! __________________ You're So Vain...You Probably Think This Sig Is About You Last edited by SmootSmack; 07-28-2005 at 02:38 PM.

07-28-2005, 02:34 PM	#36
EternalEnigma21 Assistant Regional Mod Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Carbondale CO Age: 44 Posts: 2,958	Re: Jokes - Sort of where do you come up with this stuff??!!!!

Jokes - Sort of

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