Joke Thread - Post 'em if you've got 'em

jamf · 11-02-2006, 06:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hail2theskins

i dont get it

Fun Guy = Fungi

Hail2theskins · 11-02-2006, 06:37 AM

ooooooooooooooooo, im retarded

VTSkins897 · 11-02-2006, 05:43 PM

my sister told me this one so i'm not sure if it's exactly right...

there are these two guys whose favorite sport is baseball. they love it so much and manage to play as much as possible throughout their lives.

one day the one friend tells the other, "when we die, i hope that we can play baseball in heaven."

the second agrees and says, "yes. whichever of us dies first has to find a way to tell the other whether or not we can play in heaven after we die."

they agree and ,eventually, one of the friends ends up dying. a few days later he comes back to earth to tell his friend what he found out.

"so can we play in heaven," asked the still-living friend?

"well there's good news and there's bad news. the good news is that we can play baseball in heaven."

"what's the bad news?"

"you're pitching on friday."

BDBohnzie · 11-03-2006, 10:21 AM

VT - you got it right...that's an oldie but a goodie.

What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs in the desert?

Sandy

gibbsisgod · 12-15-2006, 08:36 AM

A couple is getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up and everything... But then the wife stops and says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says "WHAT??" The wife explains that he mustn't be angry, that he must be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. Then he realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the man takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each, and then they go to the Jewelry Department where she gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. He says, "You don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it." The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says, "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register." The man stops and says, "No, I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." The woman's face goes blank. He Continues - "I just wanted you to HOLD this stuff for a while."
The look on her face is indescribable and she is about to explode. The guy says, "You need to be in tune with my financial needs as a Man".

gibbsisgod · 12-15-2006, 08:50 AM

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle...

From the NORTHWEST FLORIDA Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple that drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.

The wife stood back up, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

GhettoDogAllStars · 12-15-2006, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BDBohnzie

What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs in the desert?

Sandy

Haha. I never heard that one.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the sea?

Bob.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?

Art.

BDBohnzie · 12-15-2006, 09:45 AM

I've got a million of them

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the bank?
Buck

no arms and no legs in a tiger cage?
Claude

no arms and no legs in the men's room?
John

GhettoDogAllStars · 12-15-2006, 10:25 AM

no arms and no legs on stage?

Mike.

I just came up with that all by myself.

Actually, maybe he'd have legs -- just no arms.

11-02-2006, 06:37 AM	#47
Hail2theskins Special Teams Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Herndon, VA Age: 38 Posts: 488	Re: Joke Thread - Post 'em if you've got 'em ooooooooooooooooo, im retarded __________________ HAIL TO THE REDSKINS!!! LETS GO MOUNTAINEERS!!!

11-02-2006, 05:43 PM	#48
VTSkins897 Impact Rookie Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Richmond, VA Age: 41 Posts: 890	Re: Joke Thread - Post 'em if you've got 'em my sister told me this one so i'm not sure if it's exactly right... there are these two guys whose favorite sport is baseball. they love it so much and manage to play as much as possible throughout their lives. one day the one friend tells the other, "when we die, i hope that we can play baseball in heaven." the second agrees and says, "yes. whichever of us dies first has to find a way to tell the other whether or not we can play in heaven after we die." they agree and ,eventually, one of the friends ends up dying. a few days later he comes back to earth to tell his friend what he found out. "so can we play in heaven," asked the still-living friend? "well there's good news and there's bad news. the good news is that we can play baseball in heaven." "what's the bad news?" "you're pitching on friday."

11-03-2006, 10:21 AM	#49
BDBohnzie Playmaker Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Frederick, MD Age: 45 Posts: 4,628	Re: Joke Thread - Post 'em if you've got 'em VT - you got it right...that's an oldie but a goodie. What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs in the desert? Sandy __________________ Bad Things man, I mean bad things... “WE TOOK HIM IN THE SIXTH ROUND SO WE'RE NOT SMART EITHER.” - Shanny on what the Skins saw in Alfred Morris

12-15-2006, 08:36 AM	#50
gibbsisgod Playmaker Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: 129 W 81st street Age: 45 Posts: 3,503	Re: Joke Thread - Post 'em if you've got 'em A couple is getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up and everything... But then the wife stops and says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says "WHAT??" The wife explains that he mustn't be angry, that he must be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. Then he realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the man takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each, and then they go to the Jewelry Department where she gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. He says, "You don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it." The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says, "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register." The man stops and says, "No, I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." The woman's face goes blank. He Continues - "I just wanted you to HOLD this stuff for a while." The look on her face is indescribable and she is about to explode. The guy says, "You need to be in tune with my financial needs as a Man".

12-15-2006, 08:50 AM	#51
gibbsisgod Playmaker Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: 129 W 81st street Age: 45 Posts: 3,503	Re: Joke Thread - Post 'em if you've got 'em Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle... From the NORTHWEST FLORIDA Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple that drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. The wife stood back up, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

12-15-2006, 09:45 AM	#53
BDBohnzie Playmaker Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Frederick, MD Age: 45 Posts: 4,628	Re: Joke Thread - Post 'em if you've got 'em I've got a million of them What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the bank? Buck no arms and no legs in a tiger cage? Claude no arms and no legs in the men's room? John __________________ Bad Things man, I mean bad things... “WE TOOK HIM IN THE SIXTH ROUND SO WE'RE NOT SMART EITHER.” - Shanny on what the Skins saw in Alfred Morris

12-15-2006, 10:25 AM	#54
GhettoDogAllStars Playmaker Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Denver Age: 42 Posts: 2,762	Re: Joke Thread - Post 'em if you've got 'em no arms and no legs on stage? Mike. I just came up with that all by myself. Actually, maybe he'd have legs -- just no arms. __________________ To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.

Joke Thread - Post 'em if you've got 'em

Parking Lot