Super Happy Fun Thread!

[RedskinRat]

Onion Sports is preparing fans for the upcoming 2013 NFL season by ranking players at every position. Here’s a helpful guide to the league’s best cornerbacks.

10. Patrick Peterson: Large physical corner with blazing speed who should have been ranked in the top three, but the intern ****ed up and now we’ll never hear the end of it from bitchy know-it-alls

9. Cortland Finnegan: Since following head coach Jeff Fisher from the Titans to the Rams in 2012, Finnegan has proven that he’s still among the league’s best at being a dirty, piece-of-shit cheap-shot artist

8. DeAngelo Hall: Has an amazing knack for gaining separation from a receiver

7. Janoris Jenkins: Surprised critics in his rookie season when he finished with 73 tackles, 14 pass defenses, and zero drug arrests

6. Champ Bailey: We’ve heard he’s good; honestly, we’re not sure what the criteria for identifying a good cornerback is exactly

5. Johnathan Joseph: The Texans cornerback is feared around the league for his fierce backpedal

4. Tim Jennings: Jennings had a league-high nine interceptions last year, though he ultimately hurt his team as each one resulted in the Bears’ offense getting the ball

3. Antonio Cromartie: Relies on excellent size, speed, and explosiveness to fertilize ovum

2. Darrelle Revis: Year after year, Revis is the only player on this list you’ve heard of

1. Richard Sherman: Raised eyebrows this offseason when he declared himself the best cornerback in the league, but he's a professional football player, so he would probably be the go-to authority on this kind of thing