Are You Ready to be a Dad?

[Monkeydad]

Originally Posted by redsk1

If you wait til everything is perfect you'll be waiting the rest of your life. It'll never be. So, the answer is, you never know, you've just got to go for it. You'll be ready, you'll have to be ready.

BTW...expecting our 3rd now.

Exactly.

(son is going to be 3 in November)

You can never be 100% ready in every way. You can plan financially...get debt paid down and money saved up...but the truth is, babies are very expensive. You just have to put your finances in line the best you can and wait until you're EMOTIONALLY ready to take on the responsibility. My wife and I waited until she was 28 and I was 27, after we had the house for about 5 years and both agreed we were ready. She was "ready" a couple of years before me. I, being an accountant, was focused on things like finances and insurance, and debt elimination. We reached a point where I was comfortable financially and prepared mentally to do it.

Looking back, she admits we waited until the perfect time.

One thing you need to decide before-hand...will be whether she goes back to work or is a stay-at-home mother, which is far better for the child's development and as far as instilling YOUR morals in the kid, instead of the babysitter's. Young kids take in a LOT in those first few year and are very easy influenced in things that can stick around for a lifetime. You want the best possible environment at that young age, or later on, it would be a nightmare trying to adjust or re-instill the values and behaviors you wanted, but couldn't because someone else was caring for them.

My wife was able to do some work remotely from home for a couple of years, but her hours were about 1/3 of a full-time job. I had to pick up the slack with a second job to replace her lost income...BUT, it's worth it. Our son is very well-behaved and intelligent and he gets the parent time he needs, even though it's mostly mommy Monday-Friday.

Some say you can never afford a child. I wouldn't say that, but it may take sacrifices and adjustments to do so. However, the #1 thing to do to get prepared is to make sure you're ready for the commitment mentally...and your wife and you need to discuss and agree upon the childcare/daycare situation ahead of time if you have not already.


Good luck and congrats on moving on to the next adventurous stage of your life. It won't always be easy, but there's nothing better and more fulfilling than being a dad.

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by Buster

Exactly.

(son is going to be 3 in November)

You can never be 100% ready in every way. You can plan financially...get debt paid down and money saved up...but the truth is, babies are very expensive. You just have to put your finances in line the best you can and wait until you're EMOTIONALLY ready to take on the responsibility. My wife and I waited until she was 28 and I was 27, after we had the house for about 5 years and both agreed we were ready. She was "ready" a couple of years before me. I, being an accountant, was focused on things like finances and insurance, and debt elimination. We reached a point where I was comfortable financially and prepared mentally to do it.

Looking back, she admits we waited until the perfect time.

One thing you need to decide before-hand...will be whether she goes back to work or is a stay-at-home mother, which is far better for the child's development and as far as instilling YOUR morals in the kid, instead of the babysitter's. Young kids take in a LOT in those first few year and are very easy influenced in things that can stick around for a lifetime. You want the best possible environment at that young age, or later on, it would be a nightmare trying to adjust or re-instill the values and behaviors you wanted, but couldn't because someone else was caring for them.

My wife was able to do some work remotely from home for a couple of years, but her hours were about 1/3 of a full-time job. I had to pick up the slack with a second job to replace her lost income...BUT, it's worth it. Our son is very well-behaved and intelligent and he gets the parent time he needs, even though it's mostly mommy Monday-Friday.

That my friend is ignorant statement. My son is nearly they same age as yours and is also very well behaved and intelligent. His niece who is also the same age as our children has a ton of social issues because she sits in her house all day with just my sister and herself.

What I am trying to point out out is day care or stay home makes no difference as long as it is done correctly. To make a blanket statement that a stay at home child is superior to a day care child is short sighted and vice a versus.

[firstdown]

Originally Posted by mredskins

That my friend is ignorant statement. My son is nearly they same age as yours and is also very well behaved and intelligent. His niece who is also the same age as our children has a ton of social issues because she sits in her house all day with just my sister and herself.

What I am trying to point out out is day care or stay home makes no difference as long as it is done correctly. To make a blanket statement that a stay at home child is superior to a day care child is short sighted and vice a versus.

Ill have to agree with this. I know some moms where the kids are better off in day care. Our daughter is three and goes to the local churches school 3 days a week for about 3 hours a day. So she does get plenty of interaction with other kids and my wife also does a play day once a week with other moms.

SS there is no right time to have a child and that coming from a guy who had one child at age 21 and one at age 43. I was dirt poor and a single father at age 24 and my daughter turned out great. With our youngest daughter my wife can stay at home and I hope my youngest turns out as good as my first. You two need to sit down and talk about all the issues from A to Z and by the book Baby Wise as it will make your life with a baby much easier.

[JoeRedskin]

Schneed and Angry said it very well. Too much good advice already given for me to add much - So I'll just reiterate what they have said.

You're ready (SS - I can tell, you will have a blast being a Dad, really!!). Even if you think you're not - you're ready. Don't worry, you'll figure out all you need to know. Finances will work out. Scheduling will work out. It's a bit of a leap of faith, but well worth the plunge. As I tell people, being a Dad is the best job I have ever had.

Finally, in the immortal words of Douglas Adams: Don't Panic.

[JoeRedskin]

Smoot is going to be one of those Dad's whose kids thinks he knows everything b/c he is filled with useless and semi-useless knowledge. You know, the kind of information small kids eat up. Plus, he plays catch with Drew Brees at lunch. - How cool a Dad is that?

[Alvin Walton]

I have three kids and two grand kids.
My kids are 13, 26 and 29, two boys and one girl.....just to give you a jist of my not exactly perfect experience as a father.

You dont know when you're ready. At least I didnt.
When I started getting serious with my wife we both admitted we wanted kids.
And it just naturally happened after we got married.
Any advice I could possibly hand out would be to commit yourself to having patience with your kids.
Not just regular patience but super duper elite parenting patience.
Your kids wont ask to be born so if you are going to make that choice for them give them a happy childhood and a positive life experience and do right by them.

[SmootSmack]

This is all great, really great, advice. I feel like it really comes down to what is what many have said. Perhaps Angry said it best

1. You will never be ready, but once you have them you will never regret it.

I think the "fear" my wife and I have is that our lives will forever change and we don't know how to handle that. But I guess when we see that baby, we'll know

[BDBohnzie]

Originally Posted by SmootSmack

I think the "fear" my wife and I have is that our lives will forever change and we don't know how to handle that. But I guess when we see that baby, we'll know

Your lives will change forever, but you'll know how to handle it when the time comes. It's not something you can be completely prepare for, but you are more than prepared for it when the opportunity is presented. Everything has a way of falling into place, and you'll know exactly what to do and when you need to do it.

Good Luck to you and the Misses. I have 2 daughters, and they are awesome. My oldest will be 3 on the 27th and my youngest will be 2 in December. They are funny and smart and have their Daddy wrapped around their fingers. They're pains in the butt too, but that keeps you on your toes. My wife wants 2 more, and I certainly want to try for a boy to carry on the family name, but we'll see. I'm laid back enough to go with the flow. If we stay at 2, fine. 3, no problem. 4, sure why not.

[MTK]

My friend has always said when you think you're ready, wait another 2 years. Then if you think you're ready, wait another 2 years. You get the picture.

I agree with the notion that nobody is ever truly ready, you just try to get as close as you can to being ready, then dive in head first.

[mredskins]

As far as ready, what is ready? Honestly ask yourself that. I am speaking of married couples here not 16 year olds having babies.

I can't think what the perfect "ready" scenario would be.

I say at least have these things:

a good marriage
some savings
stable jobs
and mutual agreement of how you want to raise this child between you and your wife

So many folks use money as their excuse to not have kids, in all reality if you are both employed you be surprised how much you are wasting it just gets re-direct to your child.

For example I paid off my 4Runner this year. When we were childless, we probably be like what car should we get next, now we are like it is awesome to have no payments.

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by SmootSmack

So this thread is really for all the fathers out there. My wife and I are that point when we feel we want to look to start a family in the next year or so.

On the one hand, we feel ready. We both have good careers, we're in good (not spectacular) financial shape.

On the other hand, we don't have any immediate family near us, we don't know what a baby will mean to our finances and our careers, and we know our lives will forever change.

Sometimes we feel like we'll always find an excuse not to be ready.

So for all the dads out there, how did you know you were ready? (If you knew). I mean the thought of it is so overwhelming, how do you adjust your mentality to the idea of being responsible for a brand new human being?

Dude don't think about it, IMO you sound ready. Start enjoying unprotected sex for awhile.

Here is a scary thought it took my sister 3 years to get preggo, just imagine if you keep waiting and then it takes you a long time to get preggo. You may be a dad at 50 for the first time! =)

[MTK]

Ready for my wife and I: both of us done with college - check, good jobs - check, secure financially - check, have done some traveling - check. Yep, guess we're getting to that ready point.

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by Mattyk

Ready for my wife and I: both of us done with college - check, good jobs - check, secure financially - check, have done some traveling - check. Yep, guess we're getting to that ready point.

Dude you are way over due!!! =)

Every time I see you on Xbox I think this guy has way too much free time, time to start having kids.

[cpayne5]

Originally Posted by mredskins

Dude you are way over due!!! =)

Every time I see you on Xbox I think this guy has way too much free time, time to start having kids.

But you're on xbox at the same time, which means you need more kids.

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by cpayne5

But you're on xbox at the same time, which means you need more kids.

Negative, I rarely go on there. Hence my quick sale of Madden once I realized that amount of time I was going to need to pour into it.

I think we will try again when my son is closer to 4.