Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

My daughter is 15 years old. Good kid. Excellent student. Ever since she was a little girl she had sensitivity (certain clothes bothered her, feeling like she had to pee all the time, alot bothered her). If she fell and skinned her knee, it was the absolute end of the world. I know kids cry when they get hurt, but its boo hoo, bandaid , back at it. Not her, it was over the top screaming and flipping out. So fast forward to about the third grade. She is complaining that her chest hurts. We bring her to the cardiologist, and every other doctor imaginable and she checks out. After a while, I start to notice that she seems to be having panic attacks. I know, because I suffered through them for years. If you have ever had one, you know the look and how someone behaves when it is happening to them. It’s brutal. Especially for a 7 year old girl. Anyway for a few years after that she would get them every once in a blue moon. I would talk her down. About two years ago she is getting real bad, having them more frequently and than she comes to me and her mother one night and through the tears tells us she has started vomiting after she eats - we were floored. Now she had developed an eating disorder. We immediately get her therapy, of course this unfolds during the pandemic as she is going through puberty. I can’t even imagine. The therapist was great, and the eating disorder was nipped in the bud. But she was diagnosed with depression and anxiety- severe anxiety. About a year ago we took her to a psychiatrist who prescribed some meds. My daughter took one, had a panic attack just from taking it - and stopped. So we went back to the psychiatrist about a week ago when her anxiety literally turned to a 24-7 thing and was affecting her school work. Prescribed a different med, very low dose, and she talked and really got through to my daughter in a positive way. I thank God for her, and all the other professionals in the field that have helped my daughter through this. So today was day one, she took it and i dropped her at school. About a half hour later she is texting me to pick her up, feels sick, totally about to freak. I talked her down, told her she could do this and it will get easier every day. She stayed all day, went to cross country practice and came home with a smile. I think i exhaled for the first time in a year. We got a long road to go but im feeling good about things. I’ve been absolutely tore up inside for sometime. I couldn’t even handle the WP back n forth and quit. Lol.
Anyway Im starting this thread because I know i cant be alone. People on here maybe battling their own mental health issues or have a family member or a friend. We all must. You know when someone has a limp you can pinpoint the hip or leg. Someone has a problem with their site - eyes or brain,… but when someone, especially someone so young is mentally ill it is almost impossible to see. Even when you realize it well where do you begin???
Just thought it might be a good idea to have a thread , share stories, or remedies, or just be able to talk to others going through stuff.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

Punch sounds like you're doing everything possible for her. All I can say is keep it up and be there unconditionally for her, time will be your friend and hers.
This is a little different then your situation but I hope it helps. My oldest grandson was born in 2000 , his Dad was an addict, before he was six months the Dad was gone and My daughter and grandson were living with us and did for 8 years. He develop ADHD and ADD we were trying all sorts of medication for him ,some made him develop ticks others turned him into a zombie . It took forever to find the right medication so he could go into a social situation like school . It was hard ,I replaced doors and fixed what might have been 100 holes in the walls just from his anger. Moving on my daughter found a great guy who is in the Military and like I said time has help ,he has learned to deal with his situation .He has gotten his Associates degree and working on his BA in Graphic Design he has turned into a great kid and adult. All I can say in time some things she could grow out of others she might learn to live with. Hope all things work out for you and her. Thoughts and prayers your way!

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

Great success story. Glad for him and your entire family. . Did you mean 2020 though?

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

Punch,

My deepest heartfelt prayers and thoughts for the road you and your daughter are on, and an amen for you sharing it here. I wish you all the strength you will need each day.

Sent from my SM-G781U using Tapatalk

Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

Thanks C-Red. We got this.

I think sharing is a big step. Nothing to be ashamed of as you know. Thought it would help if others are struggling or know someone who is. Sort of a WP therapy room. Lol. Thanks again for the kind words and well wishes. Much appreciated.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

I hope your daughter continues down a good path, sounds like she has a great set of parents.

Funny i hear stories like this then go to youth sports and every dad is belly aching about their boy not being this or that. I am just like be happy you have a health kid and just enjoy these years with them.

For a Jersey guy you are ok Punch.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

I know it’s tough, but y’all are doing the right thing. Celebrate small victories and build off them. All about support. Keep head up, it will work out

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

[quote=punch it in;1308881]Great success story. Glad for him and your entire family. . Did you mean 2020 though?[/quote]

No, 2000 . Thanks. Again all the best !

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

[QUOTE=Giantone;1308903]No, 2000 . Thanks. Again all the best ![/QUOTE]


Man I must have read it like 10 times. Like wait was the bad dad the one who turned it around? Lol. Ok makes sense now. Thanks G -1.

Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

[QUOTE=mredskins;1308894]I hope your daughter continues down a good path, sounds like she has a great set of parents.

Funny i hear stories like this then go to youth sports and every dad is belly aching about their boy not being this or that. I am just like be happy you have a health kid and just enjoy these years with them.

For a Jersey guy you are ok Punch.[/QUOTE]


For real M. It is amazing what happens to your priorities for your children, yourself, or a friend or family member when all they want is to feel normal.
[emoji22]

Thanks Chico you hit the nail on the head. Small steps. One day at a time. Even one hour at a time. Anyway day two on the meds and my daughter seems to be doing better already. I know it takes time for it to build up but she is mentally stronger just because she is taking them. My hope is between therapy and the meds she is one day able to cope on her own. [emoji1696]

Thats my situation. Dont wanna dwell anymore on it. Ill keep you all posted and thanks again. Maybe others have some experiences to share.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

Punch

You’re a great dad. Full stop. You’re right that most everyone has been touched by this sort of thing (and the pandemic has only exacerbated mental health issues) but most don’t go through what you’re experiencing. Hang in there and I do hope your daughter is well.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

MH is something that will impact everyone at some point, directly or indirectly. I had some issues not too long ago that I ended up seeking out therapy for. It helps. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to. It's not something we should feel ashamed about. Punch, sounds like you've got things headed in the right direction.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

[QUOTE=MTK;1308911]MH is something that will impact everyone at some point, directly or indirectly. I had some issues not too long ago that I ended up seeking out therapy for. It helps. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to. It's not something we should feel ashamed about. Punch, sounds like you've got things headed in the right direction.[/QUOTE]


Matty man glad you talked to someone about it. Hope you are feeling better about things. Talking about stuff is such an important stepping stone. Holding shit in and pretending nothing is wrong can and will eat you alive.

Yeah one of the main reasons I started this thread was because of exactly what u said. Nobody is ashamed when they get cancer, or any other physical ailment. It is a shame that there is that ashamed stigma attached to mental health.

Oh and thanks Calia, unfortunately there are many going through much worse than my daughter.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

Living ain't easy. Keep fighting the good fight. There really is no one "normal". We all have something going on. Sometimes it's just less stuff or more stuff. Definitely a positive thing that talking about how you're doing is becoming more and more socially acceptable. Still a long ways to go, but you gotta start somewhere.

Punch, hope she keeps improving. Definitely not an easy age to be going through that stuff. Here's to her and your family having continued patience and perseverance.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

[IMG]https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/41DHu+0BY5L._AC_SY780_.jpg[/IMG]

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

Damn SD. That is sooooooo true man. I had to learn that in order to help my daughter. I wasn’t always father of the year material. Trust me.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

[quote=punch it in;1308922]Damn SD. That is sooooooo true man. I had to learn that in order to help my daughter. I wasn’t always father of the year material. Trust me.[/quote]

Definitely a good quote. It's really hard to positively help someone else if you're not in a good place yourself.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

[QUOTE=sdskinsfan2001;1308923]Definitely a good quote. It's really hard to positively help someone else if you're not in a good place yourself.[/QUOTE]


It is actually impossible.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

[quote=punch it in;1308922]Damn SD. That is sooooooo true man. I had to learn that in order to help my daughter. I wasn’t always father of the year material. Trust me.[/quote]

My wife struggles with depression. I struggle with being a good husband at times when she is at her lows. As someone who generally looks at life as this fantastic opportunity it is difficult for me to always comprehend what she goes through. I would do what I thought she needed but it wasn't always what was needed. I have done a lot of research on how to be more present and supportive. It is an area I will have to constantly improve myself.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

[quote=BaltimoreSkins;1308931]My wife struggles with depression. I struggle with being a good husband at times when she is at her lows. As someone who generally looks at life as this fantastic opportunity it is difficult for me to always comprehend what she goes through. I would do what I thought she needed but it wasn't always what was needed. I have done a lot of research on how to be more present and supportive. It is an area I will have to constantly improve myself.[/quote]

Been there, it's tough man. I often wish I handled things a lot better than I did.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

[QUOTE=BaltimoreSkins;1308931]My wife struggles with depression. I struggle with being a good husband at times when she is at her lows. As someone who generally looks at life as this fantastic opportunity it is difficult for me to always comprehend what she goes through. I would do what I thought she needed but it wasn't always what was needed. I have done a lot of research on how to be more present and supportive. It is an area I will have to constantly improve myself.[/QUOTE]


Have you guys ever tried therapy together?

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

We haven't but have considered it. Right now things are really working she hasn't had a bout that we haven't been able to work through since fall of 2019, but it is on the table.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

[QUOTE=BaltimoreSkins;1308946]We haven't but have considered it. Right now things are really working she hasn't had a bout that we haven't been able to work through since fall of 2019, but it is on the table.[/QUOTE]


That is awesome- especially considering what has occurred since 2019! Glad to hear that. Hey some people are able to process, cope, adjust and carry on. You seem like a pretty great dude so not surprising.
I just mentioned it because while me and my daughter were with the psychiatrist- i asked about what me and my wife could do - she was like group therapy can work.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

[quote=MTK;1308934]Been there, it's tough man. I often wish I handled things a lot better than I did.[/quote]

As men you want fix things. MH is anything that fixes overnight it is a slow burn to get better and certainly it doesn't improve on linear line, lots of valleys and hills.

My daughter (10) point out to me the other day; she said dad when ever you see us or greet us its always with "what's wrong?" I thought about it and i was like shit i do. its weird push to always fix. odd.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

[QUOTE=mredskins;1309021]As men you want fix things. MH is anything that fixes overnight it is a slow burn to get better and certainly it doesn't improve on linear line, lots of valleys and hills.

My daughter (10) point out to me the other day; she said dad when ever you see us or greet us its always with "what's wrong?" I thought about it and i was like shit i do. its weird push to always fix. odd.[/QUOTE]


Wow. Crazy you say this. I do the same thing. My daughter didn’t necessarily call me out but she would constantly be like “nothing jeez!” I didn’t realize that my concern for my family was coming across so strong that i was probably freaking her out for no reason.
Years i have been like that. It wasn’t until very recently i tried to not let my concern come across like panic. Unwarranted panic because her or my wife didn’t even appear as if something was terribly wrong.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

Just an update. About a week in and the low dose meds seem to be working well. I haven’t breathed this easy for about a year. Fingers crossed that they get her thru this and she is able to breathe easy herself.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

[quote=punch it in;1309533]Just an update. About a week in and the low dose meds seem to be working well. I haven’t breathed this easy for about a year. Fingers crossed that they get her thru this and she is able to breathe easy herself.[/quote]

[IMG]https://c.tenor.com/87W50uS_Ii4AAAAd/stone-cold-steve-austin.gif[/IMG]

Awesome to hear. Stone Cold says have a beer.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

Punch I'm late to this thread but I'm glad to hear that things are improving. No advice I can offer here that others haven't already offered but I wish you and your family well in dealing with this. Every day is a new opportunity for things to improve - I have plenty of my own issues that I'm not comfortable being open about and that's the one thing I try to remember.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

[QUOTE=mooby;1309543]Punch I'm late to this thread but I'm glad to hear that things are improving. No advice I can offer here that others haven't already offered but I wish you and your family well in dealing with this. Every day is a new opportunity for things to improve - I have plenty of my own issues that I'm not comfortable being open about and that's the one thing I try to remember.[/QUOTE]


Thanks Mooby. I think we all do man. You are 100 percent correct. We always need to move forward. Never back.
Also thanks to Stone Cold.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

So this weekend we discovered that our 14 year old has been cutting her arm. We have been open with her that we will go through her phone and discovered that something was going on. She then wrote a speech and there was a subtle mention of it in the speech. We talked to her last night and learned of the myriad of pain she is in. She carved the word ugly into her arm as well as just typical cuts you associate with cutting. I don't know how much she provided and how much she was still hiding in terms of emotions and physical pain.

There is so much guilt here. Both my wife and I work in education. We are trained to see signs and completely missed them with our own daughter. Working on getting her counseling but in the mean time we are going to get her to meet with school social worker.

Seeing you kid in pain is soul crushing.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

[quote=BaltimoreSkins;1340081]So this weekend we discovered that our 14 year old has been cutting her arm. We have been open with her that we will go through her phone and discovered that something was going on. She then wrote a speech and there was a subtle mention of it in the speech. We talked to her last night and learned of the myriad of pain she is in. She carved the word ugly into her arm as well as just typical cuts you associate with cutting. I don't know how much she provided and how much she was still hiding in terms of emotions and physical pain.

There is so much guilt here. Both my wife and I work in education. We are trained to see signs and completely missed them with our own daughter. Working on getting her counseling but in the mean time we are going to get her to meet with school social worker.

Seeing you kid in pain is soul crushing.[/quote]

The only advise I can give you is just be there for her. As educators you and your wife are trained to see the signs in other people kids not your own. Being a parent is hard and they is no one way to do it or one right way, you just have to be there and do what you can for them. My girls are all grown now but I went through some things when they were younger and no one did the same as they others. I know this might not help but time really does heal things.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

[quote=BaltimoreSkins;1340081]So this weekend we discovered that our 14 year old has been cutting her arm. We have been open with her that we will go through her phone and discovered that something was going on. She then wrote a speech and there was a subtle mention of it in the speech. We talked to her last night and learned of the myriad of pain she is in. She carved the word ugly into her arm as well as just typical cuts you associate with cutting. I don't know how much she provided and how much she was still hiding in terms of emotions and physical pain.

There is so much guilt here. Both my wife and I work in education. We are trained to see signs and completely missed them with our own daughter. Working on getting her counseling but in the mean time we are going to get her to meet with school social worker.

Seeing you kid in pain is soul crushing.[/quote]

Dude i am so sorry.

I have a 14 almost 15 year old boy, this has been the most difficult year of parenting. It's such a tight walk act of when to pressure them when to back off when to give them privacy when to intervene.

Their mood swings and yearn to be independent are further challenges.

Don't beat yourself up, you will always view your daughter as your child through the glasses of her parent; you see other children through your professional glasses; its two different worlds. Their is zero negligence on you or your wife's part, plus you have now identified and working to a solution that is great work.

Their are times where i just start to cry and think am I even doing this correctly. My son at least from my perspective is doing fine, there are ups and downs but i still feel lost at times as a parent.

This morning i felt guilty because he came downstairs to talk to me last night and i was playing CoD with my buddies and i couldn't have just got off, so he walked off. [B]=([/B] I should have just turned the game off but i want balance some fun time for me as well.

As parents of teenagers we are coming out of the years where i controlled basically everything and we were his sole voice of "authority". It's a hard transition.

I will say this my niece was cutting herself my sister and BIL identified it got her the help she needed and she is doing amazing.

Your family will make this hurdle and come out stronger, hold strong fellow teenage parent, I gotcah you.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

Sorry to hear man. I wish I had some amazing advice, etc., but I don't.

Just love on her as hard as you can, and hopefully all 3 of you can work together to address any issues she is having as healthily as possible.

I love you buddy.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

Sorry to hear about this B-more. Professional counseling/therapy is where you should look for help. You are doing everything you can obviously.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

It is ironic mred I can go into a classroom and tell you which kids are homeless, using drugs, abused at home etc, etc but missed it here.

Finding counseling is tough. I don't know how people how direly need support go about getting it quickly.

Without knowing if what I am being told is 100% accurate she is receptive to therapy which is a great sign. But it does suck. I would rather go 10 rounds with Mike Tyson after someone told him I'm in the KKK than to feel what I feel right now. I can't imagine how bad it feels for her if I feel this way.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

B-more I'm sorry to hear about what your daughter is going through. I imagine you and your wife must've been blindsided to hear that as well. You've already gotten past the first step though which is identifying the behavior. Now you can move on to remedying it - glad to hear your daughter is receptive to therapy as there aren't many avenues to remedy such an issue. Hoping for the best for you and your fam.

Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

[QUOTE=BaltimoreSkins;1340081]So this weekend we discovered that our 14 year old has been cutting her arm. We have been open with her that we will go through her phone and discovered that something was going on. She then wrote a speech and there was a subtle mention of it in the speech. We talked to her last night and learned of the myriad of pain she is in. She carved the word ugly into her arm as well as just typical cuts you associate with cutting. I don't know how much she provided and how much she was still hiding in terms of emotions and physical pain.

There is so much guilt here. Both my wife and I work in education. We are trained to see signs and completely missed them with our own daughter. Working on getting her counseling but in the mean time we are going to get her to meet with school social worker.

Seeing you kid in pain is soul crushing.[/QUOTE]


Im so sorry brother. Started this thread because of very similar circumstances. Thank God that you did discover it and do not feel guilty. My daughter was roughly the same age, my wife is a teacher. We both had no idea. She had an eating disorder and was cutting, super depressed- crazy anxiety- it started before the pandemic but for basically a year my daughter was right under our noses and we just didn’t see it. The absolute best thing is that you know and she knows that you do. As I look back the absolute most heart breaking thing was that she was crying out for help and probably felt so alone. It is such a battle to get the correct help/counselor/ meds if necessary, etc, but knowing really is half the battle. It has been a battle for us for roughly three years now but my daughter did learn how to cope (not without bumps in the road) and there is no more cutting or eating disorder thanks to counseling and just maturing and learning to cope with our help. I know yours will too. You seem like a super caring, and intelligent person and that is invaluable to your daughter. Keep us posted. Sorry again man. Just keep telling that little girl how wonderful she is. Between your support, and some counseling, and growing she will emerge better than before.

Edit: finding a counselor and mental health facility is a real bitch. Especially since the pandemic- just extremely backed up. I remember going online and searching for doctors and counselors and feeling so fucking helpless. I initially had to move outside my network and got a private counselor- was able to recoup 80% of the cost through insurance. Not that money was more important but im not a rich man and still obviously had bills to pay and food to put on the table. I would start with your insurance company (if you haven’t already) and find therapists in network. If you wind up on a waiting list google search therapist that specialize in self harm and depression for kids - my daughter would only talk to a woman. They did virtuals for months and the lady really pulled my daughter out of a dark place. Eventually she got into the local mental health program and that also did wonders.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

BMore hope everything is working out for your daughter and you and your wife.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

You know working through the layers. Two steps forward one step back but she seems in a better place for now.

Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread
 

Good to hear. Progress is progress. Definitely a long road back.