What would you do if this was your son?

[mredskins]

Interesting blog my wife discovered.

IMO I would let him dress up this way and I thin kat the end of the article the mom nails.


MY SON IS GAY

Or he’s not. I don’t care. He is still my son. And he is 5. And I am his mother. And if you have a problem with anything mentioned above, I don’t want to know you.
I have gone back and forth on whether I wanted to post something more in-depth about my sweet boy and his choice of Halloween costume. Or more specifically, the reactions to it. I figure if I’m still irked by it a few days later, I may as well go ahead and post my thoughts.
Here are the facts that lead up to my rant:

1. My son is 5 and goes to a church preschool.
2. He has loved Scooby Doo since developing the ability and attention span to sit still long enough to watch it.
3. Halloween is a holiday and its main focus is wearing a costume.
4. My son’s school had the kids dress up, do a little parade, and then change out of costumes for the rest of the party.
5. Boo’s best friend is a little girl
6. Boo has an older sister
7. Boo spends most of his time with me.
8. I am a woman.
9. I am Boo’s mother, not you.

So a few weeks before Halloween, Boo decides he wants to be Daphne from Scooby Doo, along with his best friend E. He had dressed as Scooby a couple of years ago. I was hesitant to make the purchase, not because it was a cross gendered situation, but because 5 year olds have a tendency to change their minds. After requesting a couple of more times, I said sure and placed the order. He flipped out when it arrived. It was perfect.
Then as we got closer to the actual day, he stared to hem and haw about it. After some discussion it comes out that he is afraid people will laugh at him. I pointed out that some people will because it is a cute and clever costume. He insists their laughter would be of the ‘making fun’ kind. I blow it off. Seriously, who would make fun of a child in costume?
And then the big day arrives. We get dressed up. We drop Squirt at his preschool and head over to his. Boo doesn’t want to get out of the car. He’s afraid of what people will say and do to him. I convince him to go inside. He halts at the door. He’s visibly nervous. I chalk it up to him being a bit of a worrier in general. Seriously, WHO WOULD MAKE FUN OF A CHILD IN A COSTUME ON HALLOWEEN? So he walks in. And there were several friends of mine that knew what he was wearing that smiled and waved and gave him high-fives. We walk down the hall to where his classroom is.
And that’s where things went wrong. Two mothers went wide-eyed and made faces as if they smelled decomp. And I realize that my son is seeing the same thing I am. So I say, “Doesn’t he look great?” And Mom A says in disgust, “Did he ask to be that?!” I say that he sure did as Halloween is the time of year that you can be whatever it is that you want to be. They continue with their nosy, probing questions as to how that was an option and didn’t I try to talk him out of it. Mom B mostly just stood there in shock and dismay.
And then Mom C approaches. She had been in the main room, saw us walk in, and followed us down the hall to let me know her thoughts. And they were that I should never have ‘allowed’ this and thank God it wasn’t next year when he was in Kindergarten since I would have had to put my foot down and ‘forbidden’ it. To which I calmly replied that I would do no such thing and couldn’t imagine what she was talking about. She continued on and on about how mean children could be and how he would be ridiculed.
My response to that: The only people that seem to have a problem with it is their mothers.
Another mom pointed out that high schools often have Spirit Days where girls dress like boys and vice versa. I mentioned Powderpuff Games where football players dress like cheerleaders and vice versa. Or every frat boy ever in college (Mom A said that her husband was a frat boy and NEVER dressed like a woman.)
But here’s the point, it is none of your damn business.
If you think that me allowing my son to be a female character for Halloween is somehow going to ‘make’ him gay then you are an idiot. Firstly, what a ridiculous concept. Secondly, if my son is gay, OK. I will love him no less. Thirdly, I am not worried that your son will grow up to be an actual ninja so back off.
If my daughter had dressed as Batman, no one would have thought twice about it. No one.
But it also was heartbreaking to me that my sweet, kind-hearted five year old was right to be worried. He knew that there were people like A, B, and C. And he, at 5, was concerned about how they would perceive him and what would happen to him.
Just as it was heartbreaking to those parents that have lost their children recently due to bullying. IT IS NOT OK TO BULLY. Even if you wrap it up in a bow and call it ‘concern.’ Those women were trying to bully me. And my son. MY son.
It is obvious that I neither abuse nor neglect my children. They are not perfect, but they are learning how to navigate this big, and sometimes cruel, world. I hate that my son had to learn this lesson while standing in front of allegedly Christian women. I hate that those women thought those thoughts, and worse felt comfortable saying them out loud. I hate that ‘pink’ is still called a girl color and that my baby has to be so brave if he wants to be Daphne for Halloween.
And all I hope for my kids, and yours, and those of Moms ABC, are that they are happy. If a set of purple sparkly tights and a velvety dress is what makes my baby happy one night, then so be it. If he wants to carry a purse, or marry a man, or paint fingernails with his best girlfriend, then ok. My job as his mother is not to stifle that man that he will be, but to help him along his way. Mine is not to dictate what is ‘normal’ and what is not, but to help him become a good person.
I hope I am doing that.
And my little man worked that costume like no other. He rocked that wig, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.



For the record my guy went as Redskins player. I post the pic but I don't know how to becasue it is just on my hard drive.

[hooskins]

That's really tough, and I am proud of the mom for doing that and supporting her child.

[SmootSmack]

Saw this yesterday, and I agree with the mom.

Loved this line: "Thirdly, I am not worried that your son will grow up to be an actual ninja so back off."

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by SmootSmack

Saw this yesterday, and I agree with the mom.

Loved this line: "Thirdly, I am not worried that your son will grow up to be an actual ninja so back off."

I know I thought that was funny as well! There is a pic of him out there, it is actually great costume!

[Schneed10]

A couple thoughts here:

1) As for the concerned moms expressing "concern", I would hardly call that bullying. Bullying requires intimidation. Not that it's great for a parent to make those faces in front of a child, but still, it's not bullying.

2) I have a hard time believing you can know your child's sexual persuasion at age five. There are plenty of flamboyant straight men.

3) The mother was right to let him wear it, and there's nothing wrong with other kids making fun of it. As long as they're not intimidating the boy or being overtly hurtful, that's how the world works. Mothers and fathers need to be all-accepting and all loving, creating a comfortable and accepting environment at home so that the child has a place where he always feels safe. Let the world beyond react how they'll react, and the child will learn at a young age how to respond to those reactions. Sometimes you get made fun of, and you figure out how to avoid being the butt of jokes going forward. Or maybe you decide eff those jerks, I'll wear what I want. Either way, that's something a child should go through.

If I were a 5 year old kid in that class, I would have made fun of him for sure. Johnny is a girl... Johnny is a girl!!!

That's not bullying, it's a healthy self-correcting way of forming social norms. You just want to make sure nobody's being so relentless that the kid wants to kill himself.

The mother needs to chill, she's way overreacting.

[ArtMonkDrillz]

Originally Posted by hooskins

That's really tough, and I am proud of the mom for doing that and supporting her child.

My thoughts exactly. I find it interesting that a 5 year old was self aware enough to know that he might get made fun of for wearing a girl's Halloween costume but he (with his mom's support) was still willing to go through with it. She also brings up a great point with the fact that it becomes socially acceptable for older kids and adults to cross dress in situations like Halloween.

IMO, just because a boy, especially a 5 year old, wants to wear a girl's costume it doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to cross dress for life or that he's gay.
I know it's not exactly the same, but when my little sister was a kid she was a huge tomboy and eventually joined my wrestling team and kicked ass every week. Later she kind of grew out of that phase and became a cheerleader; now she's a hair dresser and about the "girliest" person you could meet. At the same time, if she never "grew out of it" SFW.

[SmootSmack]

Originally Posted by mredskins

I know I thought that was funny as well! There is a pic of him out there, it is actually great costume!

My son is gay « Nerdy Apple Bottom

[Schneed10]

Originally Posted by ArtMonkDrillz

My thoughts exactly. I find it interesting that a 5 year old was self aware enough to know that he might get made fun of for wearing a girl's Halloween costume but he (with his mom's support) was still willing to go through with it. She also brings up a great point with the fact that it becomes socially acceptable for older kids and adults to cross dress in situations like Halloween.

IMO, just because a boy, especially a 5 year old, wants to wear a girl's costume it doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to cross dress for life or that he's gay.
I know it's not exactly the same, but when my little sister was a kid she was a huge tomboy and eventually joined my wrestling team and kicked ass every week. Later she kind of grew out of that phase and became a cheerleader; now she's a hair dresser and about the "girliest" person you could meet. At the same time, if she never "grew out of it" SFW.

I totally agree about letting kids grow up to be themselves, and as a parent being totally accepting. In fact, I advocate accepting everyone no matter how different they are. But at the same time, people who are different absolutely have to understand that the world is full of jerks who will not accept them. They need to develop an ability to handle that, because as much as you want to preach acceptance, face it, not everybody will accept them.

I have a transgender cousin, born with lady parts but wired as a man. We call him "he" now, and as a family we've fully accepted it. But, when he came to his parents as a 16 year old and "came out", the first thing his parents did was explain that they love him no matter what. But he has to understand that not everybody's going to be OK with this. He's going to get made fun of, abused, heckled, and looked upon with disgust. He might even lose some friends who don't want to be associated with an uncool weirdo.

And he did face a really rough time in high school and the first year of college, got made fun of a lot. But because he had accepting family and some close friends, he had the confidence and self esteem to let the comments of the jerks just roll off his back.

If you're going to be different, it's totally fine. But be ready, because not everybody thinks so.

[hooskins]

Schneed, this kid is five lol. It's different to understand you will be made fun of in your teens.

It's terrible that a five year old can't dress how he wants to, without fear of being made fun of. At that age, you shouldn't have to worry about society's bullshit.

[Schneed10]

Originally Posted by hooskins

Schneed, this kid is five lol. It's different to understand you will be made fun of in your teens.

It's terrible that a five year old can't dress how he wants to, without fear of being made fun of. At that age, you shouldn't have to worry about society's bullshit.

Like I said in my first post, it's not really cool for other parents to react to it, but it's 100% normal for other kids in the class to make fun of him.

For christ's sakes, it's a little boy dressed as a girl with a wig and a dress and everything. I would have had a field day as a 5 year old.

That's not society's bullshit, that's how little kids form social norms from a young age. Like I said, as long as they're not so relentless that he wants to jump off a bridge, then being made fun of by your classmates for stuff like this is totally normal, and happens in schools every day.

[mredskins]

Just becasue they are making fun of him or anyone else that is different doesn't makes it right and IMO the mom has ever right to bitch about them if they have ever right to make fun of him. Two way street.

[ArtMonkDrillz]

Schneed10, I've always considered myself a realist so I can't disagree with anything you're saying.

[SmootSmack]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

Like I said in my first post, it's not really cool for other parents to react to it, but it's 100% normal for other kids in the class to make fun of him.

For christ's sakes, it's a little boy dressed as a girl with a wig and a dress and everything. I would have had a field day as a 5 year old.

That's not society's bullshit, that's how little kids form social norms from a young age. Like I said, as long as they're not so relentless that he wants to jump off a bridge, then being made fun of by your classmates for stuff like this is totally normal, and happens in schools every day.

Yet it seems the kids had no problem with the costume

[hooskins]

I don't agree with those norms and hence why I called it society's bullshit.

Those norms are created based what they see around them, parents, movies, ads, television, etc. If those things didn't exist(not suggesting they shouldn't and not suggesting it is even feasible, just proving my point) kids wouldn't feel that way and make fun of him.

[MonkFan4Life]

What if that was my son ?

It wouldn't be. Point blank. I love my little boy to death, but I was raised a certain way and my son will know what it for females and what is for males. Just not for me. I know this isn't on the same level but if my son started chewing with his mouth open I wouldn't say hey son go on and be who you want to be. I say, Bernard, chew with your mouth closed son. If my son said hey dad I want to dress up as Dora, I'd say no son, You can go as Diego because Dora is a girl and you are a boy. If my son wanted to wear a Redskins Cheerleader outfit either, you want some Skins gear you better rock this sweatsuit or a jersey. My son will be who he will be no matter what I do but as a parent it's my job to steer him in the best way possible as I see it. He, much like I did, will choose which way he wants to go. I wasn't raised to curse but I do. Wasn't raised to burn trees, but I have. Wasn't raised to drink, I just finished having 2 Remy's and a MGD.

As far as the mother, I can't say that I'm proud of her but that's her child and she can do whatever she wants when it comes to him. But if it's my boy, no chance.

And Schneed I agree with you, I would have had a field day with that little boy until he started crying and I got in trouble but I would've taken that L for real. Couldn't have pased up the chance to break out some new material on a little dude dressd as Daphne,....and he had the purple boot covers PLUS the handbag ?