F...people who tell you how to parent

[tryfuhl]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

Well i'll be happy to tell you. There is a family who lives in our culdesac, two houses over.

They have 2 kids....a 9 year old, and a 5 year old. Just 2 months ago, the 9 year old went to school and told his classmate that he was going to shoot him with an AK 47. No lie. My wife knows the mother. She goes on and on about how when she was growing up, they would get in big trouble for that stuff.

But she laments further that her husband has recently "found god", and now is real hesitant to put a hand on him, because the preacher told him all this stuff and bla bla bla. (I'm thinking spare the rod, spoil the child).

Anyhow, they put him in "time out", where he still gets his XBOX, TV, etc etc...he's a problem in school and the neighborhood kids don't play with him because of how they are, so we hear all this stuff from neighbors.

Anyway, it sounds to me like time out isn't working. So if you're telling me a "hands-off" parenting approach works, i'll call you a liar.

sounds like parenting is the issue, not the lack of spanking

[SolidSnake84]

I didnt take offense to what MRREDSKINS said to me, i didnt want anybody to get that impression from me.

And for the above, i think it's a combination of both for the family that lives on our road. It seems that they had some sort of discipline for the child at some point, but when the parents got religion, it seemed they backed way off. So yes, I think its parenting that is primarily to blame.

We have resolution. Most are trying the time out thing, and resorting to spanking only as a last resort. You go out to town and it's just too clear that there is no discipline whatsoever. And as far as most of the kids have gotten, you know that verbal discipline isn't going to work anymore. A true no win situation.

you don't believe me? just take a good look at the grocery store or walmart sometime...the only reason kids act up like that is because they know they can get away with it, and most of the time, they do it deliberatley.

I agree with the other posters who said their dads or moms gave them plenty of warning before resorting to a spanking...thats how it was for me as well...

[TheMalcolmConnection]

Sooooo, for those people who let their child scream and go apeshit in a public place to the dismay of everyone around shouldn't be told what to do about their kids?

I just ask because my coworker and I have that discussion often and his rebuttal is always: "Well, you don't have kids."

It's true, I don't have kids but I have ears and if your kids are affecting my environment, then you need to remove them and I won't hesitate to tell you to do so. He tells me that if I had any idea what it's like to have a screaming child on my hands then I would change my tune. I DEFINITELY disagree. If you have a screaming baby or child in a restaurant, you need to remove it from the situation until the screaming has stopped.

[JoeRedskin]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

So based on what i've said, you just automatically assume that we dont have children. Nice.

The only thing that is obvious is that there are only a few people on here, that are willing to give a spanking a try if no other method works. The rest of you are trying the hands off approach and/or hoping for divine intervention. Nothing but respect to people who are making that work.

I'd love to see some of you when the going gets rough. How about this...instead of criticising my opinions that "dont have weight"...how about we post as parents what worked for us...The thread title could be changed too, but that's not my call.

Even when the going has gotten rough, I have never had to strike my children for disciplinary purposes. Not saying there f'ing angels - there typical energetic kids. Early on, however, we had "Time Out Training". If they did not obey the command to "Go to the Step", I would physically put them on the step and hold the kids on the step so they understood they could not leave. I did so gently but firmly making sure not to injure and, instead, letting them flail as much as they wanted to no avail - their butts stayed firmly planted on the step. I had to do that a couple of times with each kid. After that, time out has been consistently applied and the rules followed or they just get to stay there.

(Once, I sent my boy to the step - he was about 4. I told him "4 minutes", he protested, I replied "5 minutes", one extra minute each time he uttered a sound of protest, he finally shut up about 20 seconds later when I was up to 15 - Again, works like a charm).

I don't care too much how you choose to raise your kids - really. Just don't assume that violence is the only way. It's not.

[JoeRedskin]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

Sooooo, for those people who let their child scream and go apeshit in a public place to the dismay of everyone around shouldn't be told what to do about their kids?

I just ask because my coworker and I have that discussion often and his rebuttal is always: "Well, you don't have kids."

It's true, I don't have kids but I have ears and if your kids are affecting my environment, then you need to remove them and I won't hesitate to tell you to do so. He tells me that if I had any idea what it's like to have a screaming child on my hands then I would change my tune. I DEFINITELY disagree. If you have a screaming baby or child in a restaurant, you need to remove it from the situation until the screaming has stopped.

Generally, I agreee with this statement. I would say, however, I am not going to wisk my kid away at the first scream. We will attempt to calm him/her down and, if it is clearly not working, we will take the child out.

[TheMalcolmConnection]

Absolutely.

I mean definitely give it a shot, but so many times, they just scream and the parent is like, "Shhh, quiet down now." and just let them go INSAAAANE.

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

I didnt take offense to what MRREDSKINS said to me, i didnt want anybody to get that impression from me.

And for the above, i think it's a combination of both for the family that lives on our road. It seems that they had some sort of discipline for the child at some point, but when the parents got religion, it seemed they backed way off. So yes, I think its parenting that is primarily to blame.

We have resolution. Most are trying the time out thing, and resorting to spanking only as a last resort. You go out to town and it's just too clear that there is no discipline whatsoever. And as far as most of the kids have gotten, you know that verbal discipline isn't going to work anymore. A true no win situation.

you don't believe me? just take a good look at the grocery store or walmart sometime...the only reason kids act up like that is because they know they can get away with it, and most of the time, they do it deliberatley.

I agree with the other posters who said their dads or moms gave them plenty of warning before resorting to a spanking...thats how it was for me as well...

First I need to change my screen name, so many people get it wrong.

Second I think you are letting a few bad experiences/apples jaded your view that every kid in America is a brat with no discipline. In the 50's did every kid walk around like a mute dummy? I find that hard to believe, I am pretty sure what challenges face us today with raising small children faced the same folks back then and I don't think every child in the 50's was hit either. It is not like "not hitting your kids" is some new wave method of raising kids.

YOU HAVE STILL YET OT SAY IF YOU HAVE KIDS OR NOT.

[SolidSnake84]

Originally Posted by JoeRedskin

Even when the going has gotten rough, I have never had to strike my children for disciplinary purposes. Not saying there f'ing angels - there typical energetic kids. Early on, however, we had "Time Out Training". If they did not obey the command to "Go to the Step", I would physically put them on the step and hold the kids on the step so they understood they could not leave. I did so gently but firmly making sure not to injure and, instead, letting them flail as much as they wanted to no avail - their butts stayed firmly planted on the step. I had to do that a couple of times with each kid. After that, time out has been consistently applied and the rules followed or they just get to stay there.

(Once, I sent my boy to the step - he was about 4. I told him "4 minutes", he protested, I replied "5 minutes", one extra minute each time he uttered a sound of protest, he finally shut up about 20 seconds later when I was up to 15 - Again, works like a charm).

I don't care too much how you choose to raise your kids - really. Just don't assume that violence is the only way. It's not.

We might be confusing each other, and that's probably my fault. My comments about spanking, etc...are generally meant for older children, for example, older than 5, who KNOWS FULL WELL, that they are doing something on purpose.

I would not advocate doing it to a young young child. I think time out is perfect for a 3 or 4 year old....but older than that and they know they are misbehaving. And still....i am saying physicality is a LAST RESORT....

and it's not like i'd lace up my gloves and start slugging away...i dont even believe in hitting kids out of anger.....but i know plenty of people who were spanked and turned out fine.

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

Absolutely.

I mean definitely give it a shot, but so many times, they just scream and the parent is like, "Shhh, quiet down now." and just let them go INSAAAANE.

I think as being a non-parent your tolerance is low but I do agree if they are going complete ape shit time to pull them out and discipline outside.

I am new parent for the most part, only two years but I can remember going to my buddies house and thinking his kids were crazy but after having my son I can tolerate their behavior much more, though I still think they need some more discipline.

I think when you are a non-parent you view small children as little people that should act like big people. Their minds are developing just like their bodies they are not fully grown yet. This doesn't give them a licenses to go crazy but does require some understanding on your part. At times children will be children.

[JoeRedskin]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

Absolutely.

I mean definitely give it a shot, but so many times, they just scream and the parent is like, "Shhh, quiet down now." and just let them go INSAAAANE.

It all goes back to consistent discipline (whatever it may be). Kids are not idiots. They know what they can get away with and who they can play. Yes. sometimes they just lose it b/c they are kids. In those times, hopefully, you can remove them from the situation and regain some control. But that ain't gonna happen unless you have already laid a groundwork.

(I have seen how some parents "discipline" their kids. They misbehave - parents threaten to leave the playdate/make them take a timeout/take away a toy/etc., chile misbehaves again, no consequences just another warning, etc., etc. Until finally, the parent goes ballistic, yells at the child, takes away privileges etc. No rhyme or reason as to why it was done on after 7th warning as opposed to after the first).

[JoeRedskin]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

We might be confusing each other, and that's probably my fault. My comments about spanking, etc...are generally meant for older children, for example, older than 5, who KNOWS FULL WELL, that they are doing something on purpose.

I would not advocate doing it to a young young child. I think time out is perfect for a 3 or 4 year old....but older than that and they know they are misbehaving. And still....i am saying physicality is a LAST RESORT....

and it's not like i'd lace up my gloves and start slugging away...i dont even believe in hitting kids out of anger.....but i know plenty of people who were spanked and turned out fine.

Well, my boy is almost 7 and time-outs and privilege deprivation (no TV, computer, going over to friend's house) still work. In fact, to some degree they work better b/c he has a concept of time now and knows that three days without computer games is a loooongggg time.

Now - when he is a teenager, I may just have to beat some sense into him, but that's a different story altogether.

And just so we're clear. Corporal punishment was in no way anathema to my father and I turned out just fine (well, there are those bodies under the deck...).

[SolidSnake84]

I applaud you, and anyone else, who finds a consistent method that works for them...i mean that honestly.

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

I applaud you, and anyone else, who finds a consistent method that works for them...i mean that honestly.

Hey man thanks for the PM, very classy. When you first got here I dropped you in my mind as a Jsanro and for that I was wrong. You are a class act.

I think in the future you may want to better think out some of your post and it may save you 12 more post trying to explain yourself. I certainly can take that advice myself!

[BleedBurgundy]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

Sooooo, for those people who let their child scream and go apeshit in a public place to the dismay of everyone around shouldn't be told what to do about their kids?

I just ask because my coworker and I have that discussion often and his rebuttal is always: "Well, you don't have kids."

It's true, I don't have kids but I have ears and if your kids are affecting my environment, then you need to remove them and I won't hesitate to tell you to do so. He tells me that if I had any idea what it's like to have a screaming child on my hands then I would change my tune. I DEFINITELY disagree. If you have a screaming baby or child in a restaurant, you need to remove it from the situation until the screaming has stopped.

Got to agree with this, I believe I would be embarrassed to the point that I would remove them immediately.

Also, what's the deal with people flying their newborns around on airplanes? The pressure in their ears has to hurt like hell and then people wonder why they're crying.

[SolidSnake84]

I wonder the same thing about why people bring newborns and babies into the movie theaters. I can only imagine that its from not having any babysitter. My cousin used to work at Carmike Cinemas in Winchester, and she told me one time that these people brought a 2 year old to see Friday the 13th....wtf??