F...people who tell you how to parent

[JoeRedskin]

Here's a question: What do you do if you see a person disciplining a small child (say less than 4) in a grocery store by using excessive force - slapping, hitting or otherwise violent behavior?

Do you say something? Ignore it?

[SolidSnake84]

Originally Posted by JoeRedskin

Here's a question: What do you do if you see a person disciplining a small child (say less than 4) in a grocery store by using excessive force - slapping, hitting or otherwise violent behavior?

Do you say something? Ignore it?

I think thats a tough one. I dont know what i would do, but at the same time i wouldn't know the situation. I do know enough to know that "time outs" or a "talking to" has a 0% effect on children today. There has to be a safe, happy balance.

I would get my ass kicked as a kid...not abuse at all, but when i screwed up, i got what was coming to me. And that's why i'm still behaved and respectful today....never been in trouble with the law, etc....i think good discipline gets overlooked in today's world...

[MTK]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

I think thats a tough one. I dont know what i would do, but at the same time i wouldn't know the situation. I do know enough to know that "time outs" or a "talking to" has a 0% effect on children today. There has to be a safe, happy balance.

I would get my ass kicked as a kid...not abuse at all, but when i screwed up, i got what was coming to me. And that's why i'm still behaved and respectful today....never been in trouble with the law, etc....i think good discipline gets overlooked in today's world...

You're opening a whole different can of worms here. Discipline doesn't have to mean a beating or ass kicking. If you got your "ass kicked", sounds like abuse to me.

[tryfuhl]

Originally Posted by Mattyk

You're opening a whole different can of worms here. Discipline doesn't have to mean a beating or ass kicking. If you got your "ass kicked", sounds like abuse to me.

Agreed. My mother was abusive physically and emotionally and my stepfather was a bit cold, very old school to a fault. My grandfather who was my first father figure was very firm but very fair, if he said something there was no other choice but to listen and it was more of a respect thing than a fear. I can't recall a time that he ever physically punished me but I wouldn't have put it past him, but he never would've been cruel with it.

If physical discipline is the norm then you have somehow failed to teach your children to act correctly. Sometimes kids will be kids; it's the "thought out" physical discipline that isn't much of a problem, the reactionary physical discipline is the problem because you're showing that you have no better way to deal with the situation which is quite barbaric in my opinion.

I see a lot of baby boomers say things like "I got my ass beat and it worked" but I've also seen data on prescribed mood stabilizing drugs on that generation as well (they're over-prescribed but to each other age group as well).

The scary thing that I've witnessed lately is young parents not putting aside time for their children, just giving them another video, show, toy, etc to play with. I lived with a "friend" for a bit, his wife and kid. The kid wasn't allowed on the couch, was frequently denied hugs and attention (once they finished dinner they went to watch TV.. if he wasn't finished he had to stay downstairs alone, so naturally he rarely ate much.. if he got hungry later on they told him too bad), was told to either go into his playroom or go to bed from the minute he got home, was told to stop talking if he tried to talk to his mom, etc. If I played with him I'd get fussed at and so would he, because they could hear the kid. That absolutely destroyed me to see and the remainder of the time I lived there I pretty much shuttered myself into my bedroom and it really strained our friendship. Parents who don't want to raise and nurture their children shouldn't have them.

[724Skinsfan]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

I think thats a tough one. I dont know what i would do, but at the same time i wouldn't know the situation. I do know enough to know that "time outs" or a "talking to" has a 0% effect on children today. There has to be a safe, happy balance.

I would get my ass kicked as a kid...not abuse at all, but when i screwed up, i got what was coming to me. And that's why i'm still behaved and respectful today....never been in trouble with the law, etc....i think good discipline gets overlooked in today's world...

I'd like to know where you got this information.

[SolidSnake84]

Originally Posted by 724Skinsfan

I'd like to know where you got this information.

Well i'll be happy to tell you. There is a family who lives in our culdesac, two houses over.

They have 2 kids....a 9 year old, and a 5 year old. Just 2 months ago, the 9 year old went to school and told his classmate that he was going to shoot him with an AK 47. No lie. My wife knows the mother. She goes on and on about how when she was growing up, they would get in big trouble for that stuff.

But she laments further that her husband has recently "found god", and now is real hesitant to put a hand on him, because the preacher told him all this stuff and bla bla bla. (I'm thinking spare the rod, spoil the child).

Anyhow, they put him in "time out", where he still gets his XBOX, TV, etc etc...he's a problem in school and the neighborhood kids don't play with him because of how they are, so we hear all this stuff from neighbors.

Anyway, it sounds to me like time out isn't working. So if you're telling me a "hands-off" parenting approach works, i'll call you a liar.

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

Well i'll be happy to tell you. There is a family who lives in our culdesac, two houses over.

They have 2 kids....a 9 year old, and a 5 year old. Just 2 months ago, the 9 year old went to school and told his classmate that he was going to shoot him with an AK 47. No lie. My wife knows the mother. She goes on and on about how when she was growing up, they would get in big trouble for that stuff.

But she laments further that her husband has recently "found god", and now is real hesitant to put a hand on him, because the preacher told him all this stuff and bla bla bla. (I'm thinking spare the rod, spoil the child).

Anyhow, they put him in "time out", where he still gets his XBOX, TV, etc etc...he's a problem in school and the neighborhood kids don't play with him because of how they are, so we hear all this stuff from neighbors.

Anyway, it sounds to me like time out isn't working. So if you're telling me a "hands-off" parenting approach works, i'll call you a liar.

Sounds like they are not doing it effectively. Again how does hitting a child that seems to have a presidency towards violence (wanting to bring a AK 47 to school) going to solve the problem.

I would say they need to start using effective time outs/ discipline, limit the amount and quality of TV and Xbox usage (learning the gun stuff somewhere) and seek some professional help becasue they have really gone down the wrong road with this child.

Not to be rude SolidSnake but if you don't currently have children most of us with children are not going to hold a lot of weight to your opinions. Basically yon need to join the club before you get an opinion, at least in my book.

[MTK]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

Well i'll be happy to tell you. There is a family who lives in our culdesac, two houses over.

They have 2 kids....a 9 year old, and a 5 year old. Just 2 months ago, the 9 year old went to school and told his classmate that he was going to shoot him with an AK 47. No lie. My wife knows the mother. She goes on and on about how when she was growing up, they would get in big trouble for that stuff.

But she laments further that her husband has recently "found god", and now is real hesitant to put a hand on him, because the preacher told him all this stuff and bla bla bla. (I'm thinking spare the rod, spoil the child).

Anyhow, they put him in "time out", where he still gets his XBOX, TV, etc etc...he's a problem in school and the neighborhood kids don't play with him because of how they are, so we hear all this stuff from neighbors.

Anyway, it sounds to me like time out isn't working. So if you're telling me a "hands-off" parenting approach works, i'll call you a liar.

Sounds like bad parenting 101 and not just a discipline problem.

[tryfuhl]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

Well i'll be happy to tell you. There is a family who lives in our culdesac, two houses over.

They have 2 kids....a 9 year old, and a 5 year old. Just 2 months ago, the 9 year old went to school and told his classmate that he was going to shoot him with an AK 47. No lie. My wife knows the mother. She goes on and on about how when she was growing up, they would get in big trouble for that stuff.

But she laments further that her husband has recently "found god", and now is real hesitant to put a hand on him, because the preacher told him all this stuff and bla bla bla. (I'm thinking spare the rod, spoil the child).

Anyhow, they put him in "time out", where he still gets his XBOX, TV, etc etc...he's a problem in school and the neighborhood kids don't play with him because of how they are, so we hear all this stuff from neighbors.

Anyway, it sounds to me like time out isn't working. So if you're telling me a "hands-off" parenting approach works, i'll call you a liar.

sounds like parenting is the issue, not the lack of spanking

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

I think thats a tough one. I dont know what i would do, but at the same time i wouldn't know the situation. I do know enough to know that "time outs" or a "talking to" has a 0% effect on children today. There has to be a safe, happy balance.

I would get my ass kicked as a kid...not abuse at all, but when i screwed up, i got what was coming to me. And that's why i'm still behaved and respectful today....never been in trouble with the law, etc....i think good discipline gets overlooked in today's world...

Not true! I use both of those on my son and they work with great effect. Even at two he feels shame and a sense of doing wrong. To me hitting a child is the easy way to discipline.

I was never once hit by my parents and I like to think I turned out pretty damn good.

I also think if you do want to hit your child, in reason, that is your choice to raise your child. I personally don't think it is effective.

[Schneed10]

Originally Posted by JoeRedskin

Here's a question: What do you do if you see a person disciplining a small child (say less than 4) in a grocery store by using excessive force - slapping, hitting or otherwise violent behavior?

Do you say something? Ignore it?

Depends how bad it is. I don't like to spank my daughter (she's 3) but I have and will again I'm sure. Never in public, mind you, that takes some balls.

If I see a parent using an open hand to slap with the goal being to sting the child's skin, then I'm fine with that, that's just a parent disciplining and using the proper restraint to ensure the child doesn't get injured. The second I see a closed fist I'd have to say something or place a call to the police.

Also, one or two slaps is all a kid needs to get the message across. I'd get concerned if a parent was repeatedly slapping, even with an open hand. That's a sign the parent is doing it out of frustration.

And the parents' demeanor matters too. If they're cool and collected while delivering the spank, then I'm comfortable that it's under control. If they look like they're starting to enter a fit of rage or frustration, then that's bad news.

[tryfuhl]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

Depends how bad it is. I don't like to spank my daughter (she's 3) but I have and will again I'm sure. Never in public, mind you, that takes some balls.

If I see a parent using an open hand to slap with the goal being to sting the child's skin, then I'm fine with that, that's just a parent disciplining and using the proper restraint to ensure the child doesn't get injured. The second I see a closed fist I'd have to say something or place a call to the police.

Also, one or two slaps is all a kid needs to get the message across. I'd get concerned if a parent was repeatedly slapping, even with an open hand. That's a sign the parent is doing it out of frustration.

And the parents' demeanor matters too. If they're cool and collected while delivering the spank, then I'm comfortable that it's under control. If they look like they're starting to enter a fit of rage or frustration, then that's bad news.

Working in some of the more "urban" liquor stores while doing mgmt with the state of va you have no clue how many times I'd hear parents tell a young child "I'm going to beat your ass" and things like that. How do you say that in public? Disgusting.

[tryfuhl]

Originally Posted by JoeRedskin

Here's a question: What do you do if you see a person disciplining a small child (say less than 4) in a grocery store by using excessive force - slapping, hitting or otherwise violent behavior?

Do you say something? Ignore it?

some 4 year old and youngers can use a firm pat to the butt, depends on what you define as excessive I guess. I'll for certain stare you down and not move until you're finished if it's over the top, it's likely that person's fault their kid is such a brat and they can't figure out how to deal with it anyways.

[SolidSnake84]

well like what would you guys do if you would have been in my situation. Granted, that is the extreme and not the general thing you encounter, but still....someone had to do something there. I wasn't going to take my then-girlfriend and just leave....

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

well like what would you guys do if you would have been in my situation. Granted, that is the extreme and not the general thing you encounter, but still....someone had to do something there. I wasn't going to take my then-girlfriend and just leave....

I as a parent I would have ignored it and sucked it up, by the description of the mother sounds like you were in a cheap family restaurant not Ruth Chris Steak House.

On my flight back from the West Coast a young couple had a 10 or 12 month old on the plane and he was just plain miserable. I felt so sad becasue that easily could have been me with my son. I want to help them but not tell them what to do. Towards the end he was real bad just tired and hungry and sick of the plane I am sure. So I grabbed into my carry on and brought out a truck I bought for my son and open the tray and started to play with it. It caught his attention and the parents asked if he could play with it. It quieted him down for a good while.

Remember this when you hear a screaming baby at one time you were that screaming baby and that screaming baby also represents our future as race so give him/her the benefit of the doubt someday you may need them.


Now if I saw a baby in danger or being abused I would step no question.