Humorous lines for Conservatives

[BrudLee]

As stolen from the SpikeTV show "This Just In"

Newport on Gore
“Hey, if Al Gore doesn’t want Bush elected, maybe he should endorse him!”

Newport on Racial Profiling
“The hyphen (in a name) is evil. Al-Jazeera. Bin-Laden. Rodham Clinton. Evil. Evil, evil hyphen.”

Newport on Bush
“People keep saying Bush is an idiot, and he was responsible for 9/11. Hey, you can’t be an evil mastermind and a moron… so pick one!”

Newport on Lieberman
“He might be out of the race, but at least he got some good news. Sharper image licensed his voice to be used in one of their ambient noise sleep inducers. He’s going to be between “Babbling Brooke” and a Norah Jones song.”

Newport on voting
“Everybody’s vote shouldn’t be equal. Idiots making decisions for the rest of us is the reason is why Bruce Almighty won ‘The People’s Choice’ award.”

Newport on hygiene
“There are no more French Flags in the bathroom, so please feel free to use toilet paper.”

On how long it’s taking to rebuild Iraq
“It’s weird that it’s taking so long to rebuild Iraq. It only took three days to destroy it!”

On the democratic debates
“Watching democrats debate is like watching children put on a play. It’s cute, but it’s never gonna make it to Broadway.”

On Fans
“Fans are dangerous. Mark David Chapman? Fan. John Hinkley? Jodie Foster fan. The girl that killed Celine Dion? President of her fan club. I know it was actually Selina… but a guy can hope, right?”

On Kurt Kobain
“All I’m saying is he sobered up, realized he was married to Courtney Love, and took the easy way out.”