Random Thoughts

[SkinsOrlando]

Just post some random thoughts, here's a few of mine
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I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist and reality sucks

For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction, does that mean eventually I'm gonna sprout wings and be able to crap on some birds car?

If my girlfriend doesn't hear me say something stupid does that give her the right to still be mad at me?

I bought a cake that said happy 10th birthday, not because it was my birthday but because I knew there'd a be ten year old without a cake now, HA HA HA, bow to my evilness.

I'd like to take a moment to thank my dogs for allowing me to live in there house.

I often think that maybe I should write my memoirs, it might make an interesting read but I'm having a hard time choosing a title, Sincere Asshole or Caring Prick, which do u prefer??

Drugs are bad, for your wallet.

I'd work for the government but I prefer contributing to society

I wanna have my tonsils taken out, not because they need to be but because I'm bored.

I used to drink alot cuz I thought I hated life, actually I just hated my ex.

I've been thinking of opening a video game store/titty bar, dorks who can't get laid and lap dances, I'm gonna be rich.


I love waking up, solely for the purpose of going back to sleep

Cigarettes are unhealthy but so damn tasty

Sobriety is like puberty, well minus the pubic hair, wet dreams and voice changing, actually sobriety is nothing like puberty.

I love it when you tell someone "I was born in Maryland" and there response "So you're from there?" umm, actually no I'm not, even though I was born in a house in Maryland I'm from Montana.

Marriage is like prostitution, just less sex and more expensive

They say that when two people get married it's a glorious occasion, and it is, for the divorce attorneys waiting for business.

If I were a squirrel I think I'd just raid bird feeders like the bastard squirrel that raids mine, lazy prick.

I have a woodpecker that eats out the birdfeeder, now correct me if I'm wrong but aren't woodpeckers supposed to "peck" for there food?? Oh I forgot this is a special breed, the government assistance welfare woodpecker.

If I crap myself and no ones around to see it, am I still embarassed?

My parents are good natured loving people, this is how I know I'm adopted, cuz I'm a dick.

If everytime I farted a kitten died, there'd be no cats.

There's only one time I could ever root for the Cowboys, and thats if they were playing against Satan himself, and even then it'd be a struggle. FUCK DALLAS!

I read that certain turtles when they mate, the male sprays his semen on a rock and the female rubs in it. If I were a male turtle,I'd find a pointy rock so that bitch knows whose boss.

Going to a casino is much like going to a titty bar, you go there with great expectations of fulfillment but leave unsatisfied and broke.

Why does everything that tastes so good cause massive gas?

I had a lady yesterday tell me I should quit smoking or I might die young, I told her yeah but no matter what you do you'll die ugly.

When I first started potty training my puppy I figured it'd be a good idea to show him how it works and squat a loaf in my yard, my neighbors didn't find that idea so good.

If Zombies eat brains why are they so stupid?

Sometimes fashion trends comeback, I sure to hell hope the 80's bush never returns, ugh.

There's like 15 million porno sites, theres 300 million people in the states, that means that 1 out of every 20 people you meet has starred in porn, I need to wash my hands more often.





These are from a blog of mine, so thats why there's so many, add your own