College stories

SmootSmack · 02-03-2005, 12:57 AM

One of Malcolm's college buddies anonymously sent me this exclusive video footage of one of MC's college experiences

http://www.hawt.net/content/flash/82...ba2a441dae.swf

nothin' but love Malcolm!

TheMalcolmConnection · 02-03-2005, 12:45 PM

Hahahaha... I feel like I've been on Punk'd. Seriously when you said that, I was like "Dear God, what has just turned up?"

MTK · 04-03-2006, 11:39 AM

I remembered a classic drinking story this weekend:

My roommate and I went home to his parents place for the weekend, at that time I think we were 19 or 20. We hooked up with his brother who was about 24 and had his own place. For some reason it seemed like a good idea to see if we could polish off a case and a half of beer between the two of us, his brother wisely choose to not participate in the festivities.

18 beers each was the goal, and we almost made it. Over the course of 3 hours we each drank 17 beers and needless to say we were both stupid drunk. I ended up passing out on the couch, my buddy passed out on the floor.

Here's where the story gets funny, I wake up in the middle of the night to see my buddy stumbling around the living room, his pants half down, and he's pissing all over the place while he's stumbling around. I was still so plastered I couldn't move or even say anything, I just laid there watching this whole mess go down. So he gets done pissing all over the floor and curtains, he tries to button up his pants but he stumbles backward, grabbing hold of the curtains in the process, and crashes to the floor pulling the curtains down off the windows.

At this point his brother wakes up and comes running into the room to see what the hell is going on. His brother wasn't as drunk as we were, but he still had a few in him. So his brother comes running into the room and trips on something, falling into a glass shelving unit that was on the wall, BOOM glass is flying everywhere, his brother hits the deck, my buddy is still on the floor trying to button his pants up, he's mumbling incoherently, and here I am just watching, almost like an out of body experience.

That's where things got fuzzy again and I guess I just passed out again. I wake up the next morning and the living room looked like a disaster area. The curtains are off the windows, the sun is blazing into the room, my buddy is sleeping on the floor with his pants still half off, covered in piss, there's glass everywhere from the shelves...

What did we learn here today kids? Don't try to drink 18 beers in 3 hours. Nothing good can come from it.

TheMalcolmConnection · 04-03-2006, 11:46 AM

Glad you brought this thread back up. Honestly my favorite stories are post-college where I'm living alone in my apartment.

DISCLAIMER: The following story is not meant for kiddies.

So anyway, my friend is about to move to TN so he has this HUGE party and makes about 200 Jell-O shots out of vodka, rum and I think 151. For the guys he had a keg, the shots were simply panty droppers for the girls he invited to the party.

So basically I'm totally shitty and ready to call it a night. My stipulation was that I get to have a bed to sleep in when I turned in. No problem. I go upstairs and pass out. I wake up with lots of noise coming up the stairs and I'm super pissed. I go outside, my buddy and his friend called "Nightrain" who reminds me a lot of Sean Taylor (won the Virginia toughman competition) are watching these two girls completely naked having sex.

Now, before you give me the "you should have worn your balls on the outside" lecture, remember how shitty I was...

...so I watched this with amusement for a good 5-6 minutes and went back to sleep. 10 minutes later I wake up to the sound of balls slapping ass. My friend is gashmoging her gaflabity with his googus making the whole bed rattle. I hit him so hard it knocked him off her. To this day I cannot look that girl in the eye.

BigSKINBauer · 04-03-2006, 07:13 PM

I never saw this thread. I guess I'll read through it to get ready for college.

The problem is this video in itself makes me not want to go to UMCP

BigSKINBauer · 04-03-2006, 07:13 PM

Double post?? O well more post count for me

TheMalcolmConnection · 04-04-2006, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigSKINBauer

I never saw this thread. I guess I'll read through it to get ready for college.

The problem is this video in itself makes me not want to go to UMCP

Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh.

How many damn times is that girl going to say UH OH?!

Schneed10 · 04-04-2006, 10:26 AM

I never saw the college story thread. I gotta get in on this. Here's one of my favorites.

I went to the University of Richmond and graduated in 2001. So I was a freshman for the 1997-1998 school year, and of course being a young impressionable frosh, I was looking to find the best party I could. One night I ended up at a fraternity party for the frat I ended up joining one year later. There was beer pong. There was Asshole. And there was caps. I played them all, and I was merry. So it's about 1:00 am and the party is just starting to get good... which is exactly when you're supposed to take the party to the next level.

My roommate and I ran back to our dorm room to grab his potato cannon which he made out of PVC pipe and rubber cement. We grabbed a box of clementines at the store that week, you know the little mini oranges that come in a big crate in the produce section. So we hauled the potato cannon and the clementines back towards the party.

The house which held the party backed up to the school's Intramural Fields, a perfect place to unleash hell. So we gathered some friends, set up camp and began firing clementines into the air. The sound of the cannon brought none other than UR senior Shawn Barber out of his house nearby, and he was immediately intrigued by our arsenal. He watched as my roomate fired clementines into the air as the rest of us tried to run under them and catch them on the other side of the field.

Then Shawn Barber looked at my 5'9", 220 pound friend who was not fleet of foot, and most certainly not graceful, and said something I'll never forget. "Damn! That's the worst thing I ever saw! Boy, you should not be running. Do us all a favor and never run again. Shit, I gotta go wash my eyes out."

True story. I was pretty ecstatic when the Skins drafted him.

MTK · 04-04-2006, 10:28 AM

Great Shawn Barber story! We should have held onto him.

Schneed10 · 04-04-2006, 10:28 AM

Another short Shawn Barber story. It snowed once that freshman year so we all headed out to play some tackle football on the IM fields. On the walk back my roommate was carrying the football as we walked in front of the library on our way to the dorms. We passed by Shawn Barber, and I guess he saw the football in my roommate's hands and just reacted instinctively, because out of nowhere he just LAYS my roommate out, textbook tackle. Like a Larry Tate, office linebacker type tackle.

My roommate thought it was hilarious and luckily wasn't hurt. I laughed my balls off. But wouldn't it be cool to say you got tackled by Shawn Barber?

MTK · 04-04-2006, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Schneed10

Another short Shawn Barber story. It snowed once that freshman year so we all headed out to play some tackle football on the IM fields. On the walk back my roommate was carrying the football as we walked in front of the library on our way to the dorms. We passed by Shawn Barber, and I guess he saw the football in my roommate's hands and just reacted instinctively, because out of nowhere he just LAYS my roommate out, textbook tackle. Like a Larry Tate, office linebacker type tackle.

My roommate thought it was hilarious and luckily wasn't hurt. I laughed my balls off. But wouldn't it be cool to say you got tackled by Shawn Barber?

Did he know your roommate at all??

That's pretty damn funny if he didn't.

What is he a robot or something? Me see football me go tackle!

jdlea · 04-04-2006, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

Daseal, I never played quarters a lot, but I did play a lot of beer pong (some people get offended if I don't call it beirut). Either way you want to say it, that too, is a classic game.

Damn that, it's beer pong!!

jdlea · 04-04-2006, 12:03 PM

Okay, so this is my first year at an actual university. I'd share stories, but most times, I don't really remember what the hell went on the night before.

One of the coolest things about being in New Orleans is that bars serve anyone down here. I'm 21, but none of my friends are so we can actually go to bars and get trashed. Now, every Wednesday, this bar called TJ Quill's, the one I got robbed coming back from the night before the Super Bowl, has Swillers night. Basically it's a 32 ounce cup and you can get anything but top shelf liquor for $5 if you have one $6 if you don't. So, I go to my friend's room and we take about 4-5 shots. (Cuervo for me, SoCo for my friend and Bacardi O chased by Smirnoff twisted for my other friend...how gay is that?) Anyway, I usually get Tanqueray and Tonic and my friends end up getting Long Island Ice Teas.

The best part about going to Swillers is that I have an 8 am class the next day, so I usually get there hungover and about 15 to 20 mins late. Good times...

Also, being in New Orleans we make our way to the Quarter every now and then, but we're pretty far from there in comparison to the bars we usually go to. The best night, though, was when we had 6 people in a cab on our way there. 1 in the front, 4 guys sitting in the back and a girl laying in our laps in the back seat. Now, the night went relatively well, so when we left, we needed a cab for 8. That was quite possibly the most ridiculous ride home ever. 8 people in a standard cab. Fitting 5 guys and 3 girls into a Lincoln Town Car is great when you're hammered. We're even engineers...lol

TheMalcolmConnection · 04-04-2006, 12:36 PM

Hahahaha, he had a chaser for Bacardi O? This is a "he" right?

jdlea · 04-04-2006, 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

Hahahaha, he had a chaser for Bacardi O? This is a "he" right?

Yeah, in his defense, he did just start drinking recently, however, shooting Bacardi O makes him kind of a p***y, but chasing it with a bitch brew, is just too much. And he wonders why shots don't mess him up...

We always **** with him for not drinking like any normal college guy.

Which actually leads me into another funny story about him...drinks he's tried:

Appletini and a Cosmo

Now, that's obviously not the entire list, just the gay ones (which also depends on your opinion of Disarrono, cause he likes that too)...lol. I haven't tried either. Anything that is actually pink, I can't stand around drinking. It just doesn't work for me. And he gets really pissed when we **** with him about drinking them.

02-03-2005, 12:57 AM	#91
SmootSmack Uncle Phil Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 45,256	One of Malcolm's college buddies anonymously sent me this exclusive video footage of one of MC's college experiences http://www.hawt.net/content/flash/82...ba2a441dae.swf nothin' but love Malcolm! __________________ You're So Vain...You Probably Think This Sig Is About You

02-03-2005, 12:45 PM	#92
TheMalcolmConnection I like big (_\|_)s. Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Lexington, Virginia Age: 43 Posts: 19,225	Hahahaha... I feel like I've been on Punk'd. Seriously when you said that, I was like "Dear God, what has just turned up?" __________________ Regret nothing. At one time it was exactly what you wanted.

04-03-2006, 11:39 AM	#93
MTK \m/ Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: NY Age: 52 Posts: 99,504	Re: College stories I remembered a classic drinking story this weekend: My roommate and I went home to his parents place for the weekend, at that time I think we were 19 or 20. We hooked up with his brother who was about 24 and had his own place. For some reason it seemed like a good idea to see if we could polish off a case and a half of beer between the two of us, his brother wisely choose to not participate in the festivities. 18 beers each was the goal, and we almost made it. Over the course of 3 hours we each drank 17 beers and needless to say we were both stupid drunk. I ended up passing out on the couch, my buddy passed out on the floor. Here's where the story gets funny, I wake up in the middle of the night to see my buddy stumbling around the living room, his pants half down, and he's pissing all over the place while he's stumbling around. I was still so plastered I couldn't move or even say anything, I just laid there watching this whole mess go down. So he gets done pissing all over the floor and curtains, he tries to button up his pants but he stumbles backward, grabbing hold of the curtains in the process, and crashes to the floor pulling the curtains down off the windows. At this point his brother wakes up and comes running into the room to see what the hell is going on. His brother wasn't as drunk as we were, but he still had a few in him. So his brother comes running into the room and trips on something, falling into a glass shelving unit that was on the wall, BOOM glass is flying everywhere, his brother hits the deck, my buddy is still on the floor trying to button his pants up, he's mumbling incoherently, and here I am just watching, almost like an out of body experience. That's where things got fuzzy again and I guess I just passed out again. I wake up the next morning and the living room looked like a disaster area. The curtains are off the windows, the sun is blazing into the room, my buddy is sleeping on the floor with his pants still half off, covered in piss, there's glass everywhere from the shelves... What did we learn here today kids? Don't try to drink 18 beers in 3 hours. Nothing good can come from it. __________________ Support The Warpath! \| Warpath Shop

04-03-2006, 11:46 AM	#94
TheMalcolmConnection I like big (_\|_)s. Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Lexington, Virginia Age: 43 Posts: 19,225	Re: College stories Glad you brought this thread back up. Honestly my favorite stories are post-college where I'm living alone in my apartment. DISCLAIMER: The following story is not meant for kiddies. So anyway, my friend is about to move to TN so he has this HUGE party and makes about 200 Jell-O shots out of vodka, rum and I think 151. For the guys he had a keg, the shots were simply panty droppers for the girls he invited to the party. So basically I'm totally shitty and ready to call it a night. My stipulation was that I get to have a bed to sleep in when I turned in. No problem. I go upstairs and pass out. I wake up with lots of noise coming up the stairs and I'm super pissed. I go outside, my buddy and his friend called "Nightrain" who reminds me a lot of Sean Taylor (won the Virginia toughman competition) are watching these two girls completely naked having sex. Now, before you give me the "you should have worn your balls on the outside" lecture, remember how shitty I was... ...so I watched this with amusement for a good 5-6 minutes and went back to sleep. 10 minutes later I wake up to the sound of balls slapping ass. My friend is gashmoging her gaflabity with his googus making the whole bed rattle. I hit him so hard it knocked him off her. To this day I cannot look that girl in the eye. __________________ Regret nothing. At one time it was exactly what you wanted.

04-03-2006, 07:13 PM	#95
BigSKINBauer Pro Bowl Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Washington, DC Age: 36 Posts: 5,688	Re: College stories I never saw this thread. I guess I'll read through it to get ready for college. The problem is this video in itself makes me not want to go to UMCP

04-03-2006, 07:13 PM	#96
BigSKINBauer Pro Bowl Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Washington, DC Age: 36 Posts: 5,688	Re: College stories Double post?? O well more post count for me

04-04-2006, 10:26 AM	#98
Schneed10 A Dude Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Newtown Square, PA Age: 45 Posts: 12,421	Re: College stories I never saw the college story thread. I gotta get in on this. Here's one of my favorites. I went to the University of Richmond and graduated in 2001. So I was a freshman for the 1997-1998 school year, and of course being a young impressionable frosh, I was looking to find the best party I could. One night I ended up at a fraternity party for the frat I ended up joining one year later. There was beer pong. There was Asshole. And there was caps. I played them all, and I was merry. So it's about 1:00 am and the party is just starting to get good... which is exactly when you're supposed to take the party to the next level. My roommate and I ran back to our dorm room to grab his potato cannon which he made out of PVC pipe and rubber cement. We grabbed a box of clementines at the store that week, you know the little mini oranges that come in a big crate in the produce section. So we hauled the potato cannon and the clementines back towards the party. The house which held the party backed up to the school's Intramural Fields, a perfect place to unleash hell. So we gathered some friends, set up camp and began firing clementines into the air. The sound of the cannon brought none other than UR senior Shawn Barber out of his house nearby, and he was immediately intrigued by our arsenal. He watched as my roomate fired clementines into the air as the rest of us tried to run under them and catch them on the other side of the field. Then Shawn Barber looked at my 5'9", 220 pound friend who was not fleet of foot, and most certainly not graceful, and said something I'll never forget. "Damn! That's the worst thing I ever saw! Boy, you should not be running. Do us all a favor and never run again. Shit, I gotta go wash my eyes out." True story. I was pretty ecstatic when the Skins drafted him. __________________ God made certain people to play football. He was one of them.

04-04-2006, 10:28 AM	#99
MTK \m/ Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: NY Age: 52 Posts: 99,504	Re: College stories Great Shawn Barber story! We should have held onto him. __________________ Support The Warpath! \| Warpath Shop

04-04-2006, 10:28 AM	#100
Schneed10 A Dude Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Newtown Square, PA Age: 45 Posts: 12,421	Re: College stories Another short Shawn Barber story. It snowed once that freshman year so we all headed out to play some tackle football on the IM fields. On the walk back my roommate was carrying the football as we walked in front of the library on our way to the dorms. We passed by Shawn Barber, and I guess he saw the football in my roommate's hands and just reacted instinctively, because out of nowhere he just LAYS my roommate out, textbook tackle. Like a Larry Tate, office linebacker type tackle. My roommate thought it was hilarious and luckily wasn't hurt. I laughed my balls off. But wouldn't it be cool to say you got tackled by Shawn Barber? __________________ God made certain people to play football. He was one of them.

04-04-2006, 12:03 PM	#103
jdlea Playmaker Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Arlington, VA Age: 40 Posts: 3,109	Re: College stories Okay, so this is my first year at an actual university. I'd share stories, but most times, I don't really remember what the hell went on the night before. One of the coolest things about being in New Orleans is that bars serve anyone down here. I'm 21, but none of my friends are so we can actually go to bars and get trashed. Now, every Wednesday, this bar called TJ Quill's, the one I got robbed coming back from the night before the Super Bowl, has Swillers night. Basically it's a 32 ounce cup and you can get anything but top shelf liquor for $5 if you have one $6 if you don't. So, I go to my friend's room and we take about 4-5 shots. (Cuervo for me, SoCo for my friend and Bacardi O chased by Smirnoff twisted for my other friend...how gay is that?) Anyway, I usually get Tanqueray and Tonic and my friends end up getting Long Island Ice Teas. The best part about going to Swillers is that I have an 8 am class the next day, so I usually get there hungover and about 15 to 20 mins late. Good times... Also, being in New Orleans we make our way to the Quarter every now and then, but we're pretty far from there in comparison to the bars we usually go to. The best night, though, was when we had 6 people in a cab on our way there. 1 in the front, 4 guys sitting in the back and a girl laying in our laps in the back seat. Now, the night went relatively well, so when we left, we needed a cab for 8. That was quite possibly the most ridiculous ride home ever. 8 people in a standard cab. Fitting 5 guys and 3 girls into a Lincoln Town Car is great when you're hammered. We're even engineers...lol

04-04-2006, 12:36 PM	#104
TheMalcolmConnection I like big (_\|_)s. Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Lexington, Virginia Age: 43 Posts: 19,225	Re: College stories Hahahaha, he had a chaser for Bacardi O? This is a "he" right? __________________ Regret nothing. At one time it was exactly what you wanted.

College stories

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