Overcomplicated NFL Rules by the Onion

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The NFL's Overcomplicated Rules | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

The NFL's Overcomplicated Rules

Football may have the most complex rule set of any sport, as the Lions found out last Sunday when a game-winning catch was disallowed. Here are a few other examples:

* In order to meet with league requirements, the home team should have 36 balls for outdoor games and 24 for indoor games, all of which must be available for testing with a pressure gauge by the referee two hours prior to the start of the game. Jesus Christ
* On a kickoff, the clock does not start until the ball has been legally touched by a player; if it is illegally touched, the player is sent to prison for life, although the clock still starts
* There are 45 seconds between plays. Sounds simple enough, but as the clock ticks down, players have to shout out what each second is divided by three or face a 10-yard penalty
* Players must catch the ball with the NFL logo right-side-up and facing the cameras in order for the reception to be ruled complete
* Balls are to be spotted short for the Lions until a majority of officials on the field determine it's no longer funny, at which point the Lions automatically forfeit
* The pylons and goalposts extend upward infinitely until they finally reach another universe where football is played sideways
* Following a touchdown, players may spike, spin, or roll the football, though no rolls may contain a spinning motion and no spun balls may be rolled after the spin is completed; either results in a loss of touchdown.
* By rule, the exact definition of pass interference shall forever remain as mysterious as the definition of love and elusive as the definition of beauty