RIP Dwayne Haskins

While that may be true in some circumstances, there are also circumstances where the decisions you make that ultimately lead to the end of your life may have absolutely nothing to do with who you were as a person.

Which makes it part of your narrative, right?

The summation of your life could go something like:

Chief X Phackter was a great guy, hard worker, good family man, devoted equally to his wife, children, job, and football team. He made a wrong turn one night and was caught in the crossfire between two men who had been arguing over where snow was being placed after shoveling. It escalated to violence, and Chief X Phackter caught a bullet, an innocent victim.

I think you and I are saying the same thing. If you make a decision and just got unlucky, it goes into the narrative. If you got out of your car on an interstate bombed out of your gourd and tried to walk up to a moving dumptruck and order flapjacks like it's a drivethru, that goes into the narrative too.

My point being: the end of your life is by definition one of the very biggest events in your life. How that event occurred could determine whether your life lasted 20 years, or 40, or 80. So any decision you made that impacted or possibly caused that event, is absolutely not just a tiny footnote in the book of your life.

If Haskins was trying to chase a small child across the interstate to rescue and bring to safety and got hit by a truck in the process, or if Haskins was drunk with a stripper and he aimlessly wandered into the road, those circumstances absolutely matter. 100%. It's ridiculous to say 'what difference does it make, a young man is dead either way, what a shame.'

Meaningless platitudes. Is his family missing the light of his life today because of horrible tragic circumstances, or are they missing it because of his own immature and dangerous actions? That matters and should be reflected on accordingly.

My point being: the end of your life is by definition one of the very biggest events in your life. How that event occurred could determine whether your life lasted 20 years, or 40, or 80. So any decision you made that impacted or possibly caused that event, is absolutely not just a tiny footnote in the book of your life.

If Haskins was trying to chase a small child across the interstate to rescue and bring to safety and got hit by a truck in the process, or if Haskins was drunk with a stripper and he aimlessly wandered into the road, those circumstances absolutely matter. 100%. It's ridiculous to say 'what difference does it make, a young man is dead either way, what a shame.'

Meaningless platitudes. Is his family missing the light of his life today because of horrible tragic circumstances, or are they missing it because of his own immature and dangerous actions? That matters and should be reflected on accordingly.

Great post

I see it very differently. The decisions you make that lead to the end of your life are a major narrative in your life story, and ultimately, who you were as a person.

Were you a victim of someone else? Did you put yourself in a situation that led to your death? Were you breaking a law when you died? Did you die through circumstances entirely outside of your control? This all matters greatly.

Some of these comments in here read like "Welp, everything happens for a reason." Yeah ok, but sometimes that reason is you're stupid and you make bad decisions.

We still need more facts to come out and they surely will, but F if I'm not going to judge him differently if he was a guy helping someone out who needed it, vs if he was drunk as F and decided to walk onto the highway and wave down a dump truck from the middle of the right lane.

Stop and think back in time when you were young. When you're young there's a sense of invincibility. Did you ever make a decision or two that could have cost you your life? Or put your life in danger? You've never ever operated a vehicle when you weren't supposed to? You never got in a car w/ a person that was too drunk to drive? Never drove too fast? Or ran across a street when you were not in the crosswalk and had too much to drink?

Bottom line is, whatever the circumstances were, or the decisions he made that night leading up to his death - they do not define the man. Is it part of his story? Yes. Does it define who he was as a person? Well I don't know him personally, but my guess is those who do, would say no.

Stop and think back in time when you were young. When you're young there's a sense of invincibility. Did you ever make a decision or two that could have cost you your life? Or put your life in danger? You've never ever operated a vehicle when you weren't supposed to? You never got in a car w/ a person that was too drunk to drive? Never drove too fast? Or ran across a street when you were not in the crosswalk and had too much to drink?

There are so many times I have been luck during poor decision making.

When I first moved to Dc after college went out with co workers drank too much really not knowing my limits. Got on 495 went the wrong way around to get back to Tyson’s corner, had to puke and did so in my shirt while driving. I am lucky I didn’t kill someone get killed or a dui. Never driven drunk ever again. It was one of those times where you don’t eat put down 5 quick ones then it hits you half way home.

Stop and think back in time when you were young. When you're young there's a sense of invincibility. Did you ever make a decision or two that could have cost you your life? Or put your life in danger? You've never ever operated a vehicle when you weren't supposed to? You never got in a car w/ a person that was too drunk to drive? Never drove too fast? Or ran across a street when you were not in the crosswalk and had too much to drink?

My uncle was killed by a drunk driver when I was two years old, and my upbringing reflected that. I was raised to know better. No, I never did any of those things. And it's upsetting to hear, by the tone of your question, that in your mind doing some of these things is somewhat expected of youthful people. You sound like you're normalizing it.

I don't wish you were in an accident, let alone a fatal one. But I wish the police caught you.

Bottom line is, whatever the circumstances were, or the decisions he made that night leading up to his death - they do not define the man. Is it part of his story? Yes. Does it define who he was as a person? Well I don't know him personally, but my guess is those who do, would say no.

Depends how the total narrative reads, right? If your life shows a consistent pattern of making dumb, immature decisions, and the end-of-life event resulted from a dumb and immature decision, then it's fair to paint you as dumb and immature.

It's also fine to say you were fun to be around, and always had a smile, and had an infectious personality, all those things.

And sometimes the end of life event reads as an outlier. Those are the true tragedies.

This thread is ready to be locked up.

Depends how the total narrative reads, right? If your life shows a consistent pattern of making dumb, immature decisions, and the end-of-life event resulted from a dumb and immature decision, then it's fair to paint you as dumb and immature.

It's also fine to say you were fun to be around, and always had a smile, and had an infectious personality, all those things.

And sometimes the end of life event reads as an outlier. Those are the true tragedies.

His death is an unmitigated tragedy for those who loved him, regardless of the circumstances of his passing. To them, his life and death is not a morality tale for any stranger to tell.

You should try to be more respectful of the friends and family who are grieving their great loss. Some of them are grieving the loss of the young man who was once their little boy who they have loved unconditionally since the moment he was born. Just try to imagine how you would feel right now if you were in their shoes and be kind.