Overcomplicated NFL Rules by the Onion

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The NFL's Overcomplicated Rules | The Onion - America's Finest News Source (http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-nfls-overcomplicated-rules,18105/)

The NFL's Overcomplicated Rules

Football may have the most complex rule set of any sport, as the Lions found out last Sunday when a game-winning catch was disallowed. Here are a few other examples:

* In order to meet with league requirements, the home team should have 36 balls for outdoor games and 24 for indoor games, all of which must be available for testing with a pressure gauge by the referee two hours prior to the start of the game. Jesus Christ
* On a kickoff, the clock does not start until the ball has been legally touched by a player; if it is illegally touched, the player is sent to prison for life, although the clock still starts
* There are 45 seconds between plays. Sounds simple enough, but as the clock ticks down, players have to shout out what each second is divided by three or face a 10-yard penalty
* Players must catch the ball with the NFL logo right-side-up and facing the cameras in order for the reception to be ruled complete
* Balls are to be spotted short for the Lions until a majority of officials on the field determine it's no longer funny, at which point the Lions automatically forfeit
* The pylons and goalposts extend upward infinitely until they finally reach another universe where football is played sideways
* Following a touchdown, players may spike, spin, or roll the football, though no rolls may contain a spinning motion and no spun balls may be rolled after the spin is completed; either results in a loss of touchdown.
* By rule, the exact definition of pass interference shall forever remain as mysterious as the definition of love and elusive as the definition of beauty

Also from the Onion:

Touchdown Disallowed After Ref Drops Ball Handed To Him By Player

September 17, 2010 | ISSUE 46•37
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KANSAS CITY, MO—Chargers' tight end Antonio Gates' 3-yard touchdown reception against the Chiefs Monday was ruled incomplete after referee Doug Rosenbaum bobbled and dropped the ball handed to him by Gates. "The rule in question states, 'A referee must maintain possession through the entirety of the post-touchdown player-to-referee-exchange, and make a clear officiating move," NFL vice president of officiating Carl Johnson said at a press conference Tuesday. "Not only must the official signal a touchdown, receive the game ball, hold it, and twirl it around a little in his hands, but he must also take it home with him and keep it in his possession for at least three days. That is the only way a touchdown is officially recorded in the NFL." Johnson insisted the rules of the league must be upheld, because otherwise fans might actually be happy.

LOL...those are both a riot. Just goes to show you how bad that call was. Like the tuck rule!

What I don't get is, Johnson had 2 feet down, then had a knee and an elbow down before he "lost control of the ball" (aka: let it go to celebrate his td). Doesn't that count for something? So someone can walk several steps across the endzone after a touchdown, stumble and put the ball on the ground and it's a no catch???

The ground cannot cause a fumble unless the player touches the ground with either his feet, knees, elbows or hands during the play.

Players may not express any individualism in their uniforms. Any deviation from the registered uniform where will require the offending player to be branded w/ the Reebok trademark on their left butt cheek.

The ball may not be snapped until all the officials have reached their designated on-field locations, checked their e-mail and updated their twitter accounts. Any QB that snaps the ball prior to the officials signaling readiness will have his own balls cut off and inflated for use on the next play.

Enjoy(and add some more if you have any):

The NFL's Overcomplicated Rules | The Onion - America's Finest News Source (http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-nfls-overcomplicated-rules,18105/)


Love the Lions' ball spot rule.

Santana is in trouble though...Following a touchdown, players may spike, spin, or roll the football, though no rolls may contain a spinning motion and no spun balls may be rolled after the spin is completed; either results in a loss of touchdown.

Awesome CRed. Gotta love the Onion.

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