your favorite joke

Yeah, I didn't find his jokes particularly offensive. A thread like this I'd love to say something in Lisa Lampanelli's skit, but I'd be out for 3 months!

I think it's very borderline. And it's a particularly odd way to welcome yourself to the board

But anyhow,

Two boys were playing football in Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who was walking by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy!

"Forty Niners' fan saves friend from vicious animal," he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Niners fan," the boy replied.

"Oakland Raiders' fan rescues friend from horrific attack," the reporter starts again.

"I'm not a Raiders fan either," the boy said.

"Then what are you?" the reporter asked.

"I'm a Cowboys fan."

The reporter turns to a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Redneck bastard kills family pet."

An elderly woman decides to join a motorcycle gang one day. She walks up to the club house and knocks on the door and a huge, bald headed biker opens the door and looks down to see an elderly woman at his doorstep.

"What do you want?", he asks the lady

"I wanna join your gang", she replies.

"Do you smoke?", he asks her.

She pulls out a carton of Marlboro unfiltered, "A whole pack a day.", she replies

"Well, do you have a ride?", he asks

She points behind her to a huge, gorgeous Harley-Davidson, "That's my pride and joy, right there.", she replies.

"Well, have you ever been caught by the fuzz?", he asks.

The old lady scratches her head and says, "No, but I have been swung around by the nipples a couple of times."

My other favorite joke is of course... a blonde joke.

A blonde, brunette and a redhead are running from the cops. They decide it's best for them to split up and hide on a nearby farm. The brunette hides in the pigpen, the redhead in the cow barn and the blonde decides to hide on the potato patch. Soon the cops arrive and start searching the farm. They first stop by the pigpen.

"Anybody in here?", the cops yell out, shining their flash light into the pigpen
"Oink, Oink Oink", says the brunette.
The cops don't suspect anything suspicious right away and decide to move on

Their next stop is the cow barn.
"Anybody in here?", the cops yell out, shining their flash light into the cow barn
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO", says the redhead.
The cops don't suspect anything suspicious right away and decide to move on.

Their next stop is the potato patch
"Anybody out here?", the cops yell out, shining their flash light into the potato patch.
It's quiet at first.
Then all of a sudden the blonde goes, "POOOTAAAAATTOOOOOO"

lostinthought135,

Those aren't jokes...I thought jokes were suppose to be funny?

The pga tour one got me to chuckle.

White Question and Answers
What's white and fourteen inches long?
Absolutely nothing!

What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane?
Snow.

What do you call a bunch of white guys in a circle?
A Dope Ring!

What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.

Why do so many white people get lost skiing?
It's hard to find them in the snow.

How long does it take for a white women to take a crap?
9 months

What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake.

How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, white men will screw anything.

What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!

What did the black guy do with his M&Ms?
Eat them

What did the white guy try and do with his?
Put them in alphabetical order

What did a white guy see when he looked at his family tree?
A straight line!

What do you call a white serial killer in the courtroom?
-Not guilty

What did the policeman say to the white reckless driver who ran over and killed 10 innocent people?
-Slow it down

Educational. Don't want to hijack this but I think we've all heard racist jokes from time to time. I'm a white guy, if it matters, and to me, this was interesting to see. Sad as it may be, I never heard any "white jokes." And some of these were kind of funny, others were straight vitriol.

My other favorite joke is of course... a blonde joke.

A blonde, brunette and a redhead are running from the cops. They decide it's best for them to split up and hide on a nearby farm. The brunette hides in the pigpen, the redhead in the cow barn and the blonde decides to hide on the potato patch. Soon the cops arrive and start searching the farm. They first stop by the pigpen.

"Anybody in here?", the cops yell out, shining their flash light into the pigpen
"Oink, Oink Oink", says the brunette.
The cops don't suspect anything suspicious right away and decide to move on

Their next stop is the cow barn.
"Anybody in here?", the cops yell out, shining their flash light into the cow barn
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO", says the redhead.
The cops don't suspect anything suspicious right away and decide to move on.

Their next stop is the potato patch
"Anybody out here?", the cops yell out, shining their flash light into the potato patch.
It's quiet at first.
Then all of a sudden the blonde goes, "POOOTAAAAATTOOOOOO"

LOL. I don't know why but I picture this joke on family guy.

Horse walks into a bar and the bartenders says "Hey, why the long face?"

Baby Seal walks into a bar and the bartender ask what he'll have. "Anything but a Canadian Club." he said.

A guys walks into a bar, then had a bump on his head.

A pirate walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer so the bartender gives him a beer and notices a steering wheel on the pirate's nuts so he asks the pirate "why is there a steering wheel on your privates" and the pirate say "arhhgghh its drivin' me nuts."

What did one gay guy say to the other gay guy at the gay bar?

Can I push in your stool?