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KLHJ2 04-25-2007, 04:28 AM Two hookers are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Oooh, honey, it's going to be a good night. I can just smell the dick in the air!" Then the other replies, "Nah, bitch, I just burped!"
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.......hahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahah.....ahhhhhh.......... .......hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah a!
BDBohnzie 04-25-2007, 09:12 AM An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
KLHJ2 04-25-2007, 09:37 AM An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
I'm going to find out if that will really work, right after I castrate myself.
Monkeydad 04-26-2007, 10:10 AM Wow. This isn't a joke, it's a true story.
Dr. Adams told me to buy a spare tire for myself. Too bad my wife couldn't finish eating it though.
12thMan 05-01-2007, 09:21 AM Can you guys rattle off a few more, I'm doing a daily cut and paste for my o office. thanks:)
KLHJ2 05-01-2007, 11:03 PM Can you guys rattle off a few more, I'm doing a daily cut and paste for my o office. thanks:)
Not trying to give away my secrets, but go to comendy central and you can get them there. I cannot take credit for those.
Comedy Central: Jokes – Yo Mama loves our large variety of funny, funny jokes (http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml)
12thMan 05-02-2007, 10:15 AM Not trying to give away my secrets, but go to comendy central and you can get them there. I cannot take credit for those.
Comedy Central: Jokes – Yo Mama loves our large variety of funny, funny jokes (http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml)
Can't get this link to come up...would you mind cutting and pasting a few for old 12th. Thanks.
KLHJ2 05-03-2007, 01:32 AM 1.Don't Listen to Him
A couple had been married for many years, and their son had gotten old enough to date. One day the boy brought a girl over to diner. The mother was thrilled with her son's choice and couldn't wait for the wedding. However, the father was upset and, eventually, the boy asked, “Dad, why don't you seem happy with her. Mom likes her a lot.”
The father explained, “No son, there's nothing wrong with the girl. It's just that I cheated on your mother a long time ago, and the girl you've been dating is my daughter by that woman.”
So the boy dumped her and found himself another girl. Again, he brought her home to the mother's delight, but the father again told him this girl was actually his half-sister. The boy lost his temper and told his mother what his father had said.
Furious, the mother shouted, “Don't listen to him, sweetheart! He isn't even your father!”
2. Two hicks from West Virginia got married and were having their honeymoon in a local motel. They begin doing what honeymooners always do, but right before they consummate the marriage the woman says, "Be gentle, I'm a virgin."
The man is shocked and visibly upset and storms out of the room without saying a word. He goes home to his family and tells them what happened, and his dad agrees, "If she isn't good enough for her own family, she sure as hell isn't good enough for you!"
Breakfast in Moleland
3. There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country.
The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, “Mmmmm, I smell sausage.”
The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said “Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes.”
The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. The baby mole said, “The only thing I can smell is molasses.”
KLHJ2 05-18-2007, 01:56 AM Today I got a tattoo of a $100 bill on my penis because my wife likes to blow money!
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